Category Archives: Advice

The Rationalization of Effort

I got some pushback in the comments on my last post. FBNF thought that 100 times a year was a lot more than her experience. I responded that this was probably due to environment: I probably should have said she the 100 dates was probably average for her environment and lifestyle, but the general pattern would still hold.

I haven’t been able to find studies on how often women are asked out. I remember reading a number of threads on the issue, where women were asked how often they were asked out: answers for most were once a week to once a month. I can’t figure out where those threads were. So I did another search.

A quick google of various internet threads says it depends a lot on how one defines “asked out”; “real” asks are uncommon, a dozen or two a lifetime, but “random” ones are fairly common. This thread ranges from uncommonly to multiple times a day.

I turned to a quick search on /r/AskWomen. The answers across threads there were comparatively low to elsewhere. Never was common, a 6-12 in a lifetime was the plurality, a few times a year also common, while once a week or more was rarer. I think one guy from one of the threads had the right of it:

  • I’m seeing a lot of people distinguishing between a request to hang out that turns romantic and a request for a formal date, which is probably not a distinction the asker was making.
  • Redditors in general tend to identify themselves as introverted and/or shy, and shy people don’t get asked out nearly as often as outgoing people do.

Also, not to be an ass, but on the whole Redditors are probably far less social and far less attractive than average people and would be less likely to be asked out.

Here’s a thread where the bizarre top answer is “Have had 5 or 6 boyfriends in my life, but never actually been asked out on a date.”

It seems that it is common for women to only include explicit requests for a date. Being hit on doesn’t count, being asked for a number doesn’t count, being asked to ‘hang-out’ with romantic intentions doesn’t count, etc. Someone even being a relationship isn’t counted as being asked out. This is bizarre to me. As a man, I would (and did) count some lady on the street asking me to hang out as being asked out.

Anyway, it seems once a week to once every month or two would be “average” if you included hitting on and phone number asks, but a lot less, a few time a year or less, if it’s only for formal dates.

So, in my assessment we could say somewhere between 6-50 times a year would be normal for propositions of all types, but about a dozen “real” requests for formal dates a lifetime. This would of course vary a lot based on the women’s environment, attractiveness, and personality.

The bigger her social circle, the larger her city, the prettier she is (to a point), and the more outgoing a women is, the more she’ll get asked out.

****

Which brings me to the point of my post: the rationalization of effort.

Unless you are a very experienced player or naturally very social, asking women out is a frightening and draining experience for most men; it has a fairly high mental cost. In addition, being rejected after asking a girl out is both painful and humiliating. Because of this men will often do a quick analysis of their odds of success combined with the ease with which they can ask a woman out and their level of motivation to ask that particular girl out. (This often leads to over-thinking, which is a major problem I struggle with).

This can lead to some weird outcomes. As Heartiste recently noted (NSFW) men will often not hit on the hottest girls, because the odds of success seem so slim. The prize may be great, but if the odds of success seem too low a man will not even try. It works the other way as well, a man may go after someone he might not otherwise chase simply if he thinks the odds of success are high.

What this means is that a man will only ask a woman out if he thinks he has a chance and the situation allows for an easy way to ask a girl out compared to the potential odds of success and his attraction.

He also needs motivation: most men see women around them all the time in their daily lives, including many attractive ones, but they rarely approach them. They will go out of their way to approach a particular women if he has some particular motivation to.

For one example, years ago there was a girl at my church who my mom would occasionally bring up as someone I should pursue. She seemed nice, she was attractive enough, and there was a decent chance she could have hit the points on my list but I never did approach her. There was nothing that really made her stand out to me. If happenstance had brought us into conversation together perhaps something might have happened, but there was nothing motivating me enough so I would put in the effort and take the risk of approaching her. (In retrospect, I probably should have).

As a contrasting example, there was a woman I was friends with for a while, she was attractive and fun to hang out with, but it didn’t even really cross my mind to think of her as a prospect. Then one day she was holding a friend’s baby and cooing over it; that display of maternal instinct peaked my attention and I started to entertain the prospect. I ended up asking her out a month or so later. (A mothering instinct is something I find incredibly attractive.).

One major factor in a man’s thinking is environment. Small, casual social environments (like house parties or games nights) are far more conducive to approaching for most men than most other environments. Church always has some formality, cold approaches are the most difficult ones, work comes with extra baggage, large parties/clubs/bars are good for certain personalities (ie. players and extroverts), but not for most men, etc.

There’s more to the sexual marketplace than a person’s raw SMV/MMV and displays thereof, there’s motivation and risk. A woman may be attractive, but she also needs to demonstrate something to motivate a man to approach (a particularly high level of beauty may be enough) and make it so that the type of man she wants to approach will think there is an ‘easy’ in.

****

So, based on that here’s a few practical tips for women hoping to be approached more:

Be out in the world. Men can’t approach if they don’t see you.

Get in environments where approaching is easy. A casual, social environment is best.

Smile: A kind smile lowers the expected cost and raises the perceived odds of success, increasing the chances of being approached.

Signal availability: Look pretty, have an open demeanor, put yourself in a physical space where approaching is possible (ie. stand around other people, not on the other side of the room by yourself), walk casually instead of bee-lining: make it easy for a man to approach and it will be more likely.

Don’t signal unavailability: Don’t wear earphones, don’t wear a ring on your ring finger if you aren’t married, don’t stare at the ground, don’t walk around staring at your iPhone, etc., these will all discourage most men (players aside) from approaching. Most men don’t want to intrude on you when you are doing something. By doing this you are self-selecting for the kind of guy who interrupts busy people.

Signal something unique: Signal something that makes you stand out, particularly for the kind of man you are looking for. If you are looking for an physically active man, wear something that indicates you participate in a sport. If you are looking for a bookish man, carry a book. If you are looking for a traditional man, look traditional. If you are looking for a family man, coo over your friend’s baby. If you are looking for a player, show your cleavage. If a man sees you share something in common, something particular that interests hims, or that gives him an easy in to open, he will be more likely to approach you.

Do the opposite of all this if you want to be approached less.

****

For Christians in particular:

When out of a church setting, it can often be difficult for a Christian man to tell if a woman is Christian or not, and if she isn’t he likely won’t be motivated to hit on her; hitting on a non-Christian would be a waste of time and effort. By displaying something obviously Christian, a Christian woman can give him that much more of a reason to talk to her, increasing her odds of meeting someone.

For Christian women, if you want more Christian men to hit on you, bring along something with you when you go out that makes it obvious you are Christian. Carry your Bible or a CS Lewis book or something else obvious; wear a Jesus fish necklace or a Bible camp t-shirt. (This is probably what the WWJD bracelets used to be for).

I know this from experience; there have been at least two cute girls I’ve cold approached because I overheard they were Christian, where if I hadn’t overheard them I probably would not have.

****

For men, something similar probably applies. Make it easier for a woman to say yes when you approach. I don’t have a list of specific practical steps beyond what I’ve already thrown out in the Omega’s Guide (if you have one drop it below). Just keep in mind that if you reduce the cost/risk or increase the perceived benefits of saying yes, you’re more likely more likely to get a yes.

Don’t make it more difficult for her to say yes than you need to.

Assertiveness, Leadership, and Bitchiness

Dalrock posted avideo. I had seen it earlier and was going to comment on it, but never got around to it, so I’ll comment on it now. Watch it:

Cane also had a good post on it, but I’m going to take this a bit of a different direction.

You’ve all heard feminists whine about how women are called bitchy where a man would be called assertive or women are called bossy, while men are called leaders. It’s one of those memes that seem to continually float around. (Any young women who may read my blog should take note of this post).

The reason women are called bitchy or bossy is because in general feminists, and many non-feminist women, do not seem to understand that there is a middle ground of assertiveness between being a pushover and being bitchy. Leadership exists in the space between passiveness and bossiness. This commercial illustrates that ignorance perfectly.

There are five mini-stories in the commercial, where there’s a before, where the woman is sorry and an after where the woman is “confident” (although, bitchy would be a better term in most cases).

In the first, the woman interrupts someone, probably her boss, in who’s making a public presentation. In that case, ‘sorry’ is only the minimal politeness. Now, they should have focused on her calling her own question ‘stupid’, that was the real problem with that example, and shows a basic lack of confidence. But in the second, instead of just having her show more confidence in her own ideas, they jump her straight to bitchy. She just flat out interrupts the guy making the presentation in mid-sentence. That’s not assertive, that’s just plain rude. The assertive way to pull this off, would have been ‘Excuse me, why don’t…?” When you are publicly interrupting someone in the middle of a presentation, ‘sorry’ is just plain common courtesy.

In the second one, the women barges into someone else’s office. For this one, there’s nothing particularly wrong in either example, both ‘sorry’ or a polite ‘do you got a minute?’ are basic courtesy when interrupting someone. There’s the small problem that the commercial paints the basic politeness of ‘sorry’ for interrupting someone busy, as being somehow weak when it is not.

The third one, illustrates a girl apologizing when she shouldn’t. The commercial is right here, if someone sits don’t beside you, apologizing is silly. But instead of simply having her simply not apologize and ignoring him, which would be the confident thing to do, she smirks at him like she’s purposely being an ass and winning some sort of non-existent competition. That is being passive-aggressively bitchy; between men, that kind of attitude at the wrong time could result in a fight.

The fourth and the fifth ones are the worst though. In the before skits, one woman passes a child to the husband and says sorry and the other takes part of a blanket her husband is hogging and says sorry. In either case, saying ‘sorry’ is rather silly. Nothing wrong is being done in the former and the husband is in the wrong in the latter; no apologies needed. In the former, just saying ‘take him’ or, in the latter, just taking the blanket without a word is perfectly fine. But again, instead of showing a confident woman doing what needs to be done, they jump straight to bitchy. Going out of your way to say ‘sorry, not sorry’ is not assertive, it is passive-aggressive bitchiness, as is taking the whole blanket on purpose.

This is why “assertive” women are called bossy or bitchy. It is not because of some sort of double-standard, it is because many of them don’t know the basic rules of assertiveness game.

Assertive men do what they need to do, but, as the situation calls for it, they either don’t mention it (such as in 3, 4, or 5) or show basic politeness when they do it (such as in 1 or 2). Only aggressive assholes, the male equivalent of bossy bitches, violate someone else’s space or speaking time or go out of there way to rub their “assertiveness” in someone else’s face.

Among men, that kind of behaviour is what starts fights, but men can’t/don’t generally verbally or physically attack women, so those kinds of women get away with the rather minor penalty of being labelleda bitch.

So, women, if you don’t want to be called bitchy or bossy, learn the rules of decorum game, because the kind of passive-aggressive jackassery shown in this commercial is not “assertive”, it’s just being a jerk.

Basic Gun Ownership

RoK recently ran an article, All Men should Own a Gun. I agree. Strength and the ability to enact violence is a defining trait of manliness and, in modern times, strength and violence are measured by firearms. Anybody failing to train with firearms is failing as a man.

A couple years ago I did a  fair amount of research on gun ownership, so I’m gonna share the basics of what I found while researching and in my first couple years of gun ownership here with y’all. This should serve as in-depth beginners guide here.

Note: Throughout this piece, I will be ignoring obsolete, black powder, and special use firearms. The use of these can be fun and challenging, but do not belong in a beginners guide.

Another Note: Different jurisdictions have different laws. Make sure to check the legality of any firearms purchases or uses where you live.

****

Basics

There are 2 basic types of personal firearms:

Handguns: This is a gun designed for use with a single-hand, although, bracing with your second hand is usually recommended. Handguns are more concealable and easier to use in cramped quarters, but are less accurate with less range.

Long guns: Long guns are designed to be fired using both hands, often bracing with the body. Long guns are more accurate with longer range, but are less concealable, less portable, and hard to use in enclosed spaces.

These are the parts of a firearm you should know about:

  • Muzzle: This is the end of the barrel where the bullet comes out of.
  • Barrel: This is the tube the bullet passes through on its way to the muzzle.
  • Magazine: The magazine stores ammo and feeds it into the action. It can be internal to the firearm or detachable. A magazine is not a clip; calling it a clip is wrong. A clip stores ammunition but has no feeding magazine. Almost anytime most people say clip, they mean magazine.
  • Action: This consists fo the moving parts of the firearm. It’s what loads bullets and makes them fire.
  • Trigger: The part of the action you pull to fire a firearm.
  • Chamber: The part of the barrel which holds a single bullet or shell in a position ready to fire.
  • Safety: When on, it prevents the trigger from being pulled accidentally.
  • Stock: This is the end of the long gun which holds the action and barrel together. The butt of the stock is usually braced against the shoulder.
  • Grip: This is the part of the handgun which you hold.
  • Sights: Most firearms have a rear sight on the barrel near the action and a front sight near the muzzle. You line the two sites up to aim.
  • Scope: An attachable telescope which allows for increased accuracy.

****

Long Guns

There are three basic types of long gun:

Rifle: A rifle is loaded with cartridges and shoots bullets. The long, rifled barrel allows for high accuracy and high muzzle velocity and energy (ie: he bullets shoot fast and hard). Rifles are for when you want accuracy and long-range.

Shotgun: A shotgun is loaded with shells and shoots shot and slugs. Shotguns are usually not rifled. They are not as accurate as rifles and have limited range, but within its, shot, a bunch of pellets, will spread after being fired and will hit an area rather than a point, which is useful for hitting smaller and faster moving targets (ie: birds) or delivering shock (ie: home defence). Slugs (a solid chunk of metal) can deliver a massive amount of force within a limited range.

Carbines: This usually refers to shorter rifles, but the definition has traditionally been rather vague. Nowadays it is often used to refer to long guns which fire pistol ammunition. These are generally lighter with shorter barrels making them easier to use in close combat, but less powerful and less accurate.

There are four basic types of long gun actions: single-shot, repeaters, semi-automatic, and automatic.

Single-Shot: It can fire a single-shot before it need to be reloading. The typical single-shots in use today are the break-action, where the barrel is hinged to the stock and can break open to load, and .22 bolt actions for youths. Single-shots have minimal parts and are therefore very reliable, very easy to maintain, and are generally inexpensive, but, obviously, they are slow-firing. These are almost always outclassed by repeaters for most purposes, but a break-action shotgun can make a dependable, easy to maintain home defence weapon.

Repeaters: Repeaters can shoot multiple times between reloads, but the action has to be manually worked between each shot. These are slower to fire than automatics, but are cheaper, easier to maintain, and more reliable as they have less moving parts. They can also generally more accurate as they can be built to lower tolerances due to fewer moving parts. Repeaters are well-suited for hunting or sniping where initial accuracy is more important than follow-up shot speed, but are less well-suited for “tactical” situations.

Semi-automatics: A semi-automatic delivers one shot per a trigger pull. A trigger pull both fires the weapons and makes the action automatically load the next bullet into the chamber. Semi-auto weapons are more expensive, require more maintenance, and are less accurate, but have a higher rate of fire than repeaters. The magazine size on semi-automatics is usually higher than those on repeaters.

Automatic: An automatic fires continuously as the trigger is held down. Burst fire is a variation of automatic fire where multiple shots are fired each trigger pull. Automatic weapons are generally illegal everywhere, so it’s unlikely you’ll ever own one. Automatic fire is very inaccurate due to recoil and it’s uses are essentially limited to fun, suppression, or hosing down a small enclosed space or a tightly packed group. Burst fire, while still illegal, is more useful. It generally has the same uses as semi-automatic fire, but increases the chance of death or incapacitation at the cost of increased ammunition usage.

Side rant: An assault rifle is a rifle with a selective fire option (ie: it can shoot on both semi-auto and auto). Automatic and selective fire weapons are not purchasable by civilians. (There are a precious few Americans with a license for grandfathered automatic weapons, but they are very rare). You can tell someone is ignorant of firearms if they call an AR-15, or any other civilian rifle, an assault rifle.

There are 3 basic types of repeating actions:

Bolt: A bolt actions is located at the stock end of the barrel. It removes spent ammunition from the chamber by pulling back a handle on a bolt; then loads new ammo into the chamber by pushing the bolt forward. Of the repeating actions, bolt actions are the most reliable, most accurate, and most durable, but they are a bit slower to work than pump- or lever-actions. A bolt action rifle is your standard hunting tool.

Pump: A pump action is located at the bottom of a barrel. It slides forward to eject spent ammunition and slides backwards to load new ammunition into the chamber. It is less accurate and less reliable than the bolt, but cycles faster, pump-action can sometimes match semi-auto cycling speeds. Pump actions are generally found on shotguns and rarely found on rifles.

Lever: A lever action feeds ammunition into and out of a chamber through the use of a lever found at the bottom of the stock behind the trigger. It cycles faster and has a shorter length than a bolt. It can also be used by either hand. It can not be shot from a prone position and lever actions generally use a tubular magazine which can limit ammunition types (pointed ammunition can misfire in a tubular magazine).

****

Handguns

There are two basic types of handguns (there are others, but these are generally obsolete, special purpose, or hobbyist):

Pistols: Pistols are your standard handgun; they have a chamber built into the barrel. They have detachable magazines.

Revolvers: Revolvers have a cylinder which is detachable from the barrel and acts as chamber. The ammunition is loaded directly into the cylinder, which turns to cycle ammunition. Revolvers are generally more reliable than pistols, but are usually limited to six shots between reloading.

****

Ammunition

There are two types of basic ammunition: cartridges and shells. Shotguns use shells, other personal firearms use cartridges.

The major parts of a cartridge:

  • Case (brass): This hold the other parts of the bullet.
  • Bullet: This is the piece of metal that is ejected from the firearm to kill the target.
  • Gunpowder: This propels the bullet.
  • Primer: When struck this produces heat which ignites the gunpowder.

The shell is much the same the same, but it case is usually plastic not metal. It has slugs or shot instead of a bullet. It also has an added component, the wad, which prevents the shot from mixing with the powder.

There are two basic types of cartridge:

Centrefire: Centrefire ammo has the primer located in the center of cartridge base. It can withstand higher pressures allowing greater bullet velocity and energy than rimfire. Most modern ammo is centrefire.

Rimfire: Rimfire ammo has the primer located on the rim of the cartridge base. It is cheaper to manufacture than centrefire but can no withstand as much pressure. Low calibers like .17 and .22 are generally the only cartridges that are still rimfire.

There are far more types of ammunition out there than I could possibly list, but I’ll outline some of the major ones. The numbers indicate caliber, which indicates the diameter of the the bullet. Generally higher calibers are more powerful and more expensive, but that does not mean they are necessarily better; they are also more difficult to learn to shoot accurately and can be uncomfortable to use.

Rimfire:

.22LR: This is your major rimfire cartridge. It is cheap (~4-5¢/bullet) and common, but not very powerful. This is good for target practice and shooting small critters. It is used in both pistols and rifles.

Handgun:

.257/.357/.44 Magnum: These magnum rounds are for your revolver and hold more powder than normal rounds of the same caliber resulting in higher muzzle energy and velocity. These are the most popular type of revolver ammunition.

.38 Special: A cheaper, but less powerful revolver round that can be fired from a .357 Magnum (Note: The reverse is not true; you can not fire .357 ammo from a .38 revolver; trying to do so is dangerous).

9mm: This is your basic pistol ammunition. It is popular and widely used, but is criticized for a lack stopping power.

.40 S&W: A relatively new pistol round with more stopping power than 9mm. It has gained great popularity among police for being a good balance between the stopping power of 10mm and the ease of use of the 9mm.

.45 ACP: Another of the basic pistol rounds. Which of 9mm, .40, .45, and 10mm is superior is a never-ending discussion among gun folks which I’m not going to get into.

10mm: Another popular handgun load. It’s more powerful than .40 or .45.

Rifle:

5.56×45 NATO/.223 Rem: These are common western military rounds and are what AR’s and similar weapons will generally fire. They take some criticism for a lack of stopping power as compared to the .308. The .223 can be fired from 5.56 guns, but doing the reverse may not always be safe. These are not for hunting big game.

.270 Win: A popular hunting cartridge. Some cartridges are not powerful enough for larger game such as elk or moose.

.30-.30: Another popular hunting cartridge. It is debatable on whether it is suitable for larger big game such as moose and elk.

.308/.30-06: The two main big game hunting cartridges that are suitable for larger game. (Note: .308 and 7.62×51 are somewhat interchangeable). Which is better is an eternal debate among gun folks. The .30-06 is slightly more powerful, but .308 is more available and has lighter recoil.

7.62×39: A very popular Soviet military cartridge used in AK’s and SKS’. It’s relatively cheap and plentiful as there’s lots of military surplus floating round. It’s not powerful enough to be used for big game.

7.62x54R: A popular high-powered Soviet military cartridge. It’s relatively cheap and plentiful as there’s lots of military surplus floating around. Powerful enough for big game hunting.

Shotgun:

Shotgun ammunition is measured differently. Every shotgun has a bore diameter measured in gauge; the lower the gauge the wider the shell used and, generally, the more powerful the gun gun and ammunition is. Traditional shotguns sizes range from 10 gauge to .410 (.410 is weird because it is actually measured as a caliber).

Out of all of them, there are two gauges that really matter to a beginner: 12 gauge and 20 gauge. 12 gauge is by far the most popular shotgun size. 20 gauge is commonly used by people who can not control the power and kick of a 12 gauge (women and children). It is also commonly used for skeet and fowl.

Each shotgun chamber and shell also has a length; these will be 2 3/4″, 3″, and 3.5″. 3″ is the most common and is what you should get unless you have some specific need for 3.5″. Longer chambers can shoot shorter shell lengths; so the 3″ can shoot 2 3/4″ (the reverse is not true).

Beyond this there are three types of shotgun ammunition:

Slugs: Slugs are essentially large chunks of metal. They are very powerful within 100 yards or so.

Birdshot: These are shells filled with many small pellets. Pellets sizes range from 9-FF, with higher numbers being smaller, lower numbers being larger, and letters being larger still. The smaller the pellets, the more in a shell. What size birdshot you get depends on the bird you’re trying to hunt.

Buckshot: These are shells filled with larger metal balls used to hunt larger game. They come in varying sizes: 00 (pronounced double-ought) is common. Be aware, despite being called buckshot, it may not be legal to hunt deer or other big game with buckshot depending on where you live.

****

Buying Guide

Now that you are generally acquainted with basic firearms information we can get to your buying guide. You purposes for buying firearms are different so everything said here may not apply to you. Also, you don’t have to buy everything at once; most people don’t have the thousands of dollars a full collection requires, so build up over time.

That said, a basic firearm collection consists of:

.22LR rifle
.22LR pistol
A high-powered handgun
A shotgun
A hunting rifle
A tactical rifle

I’ll go over the purchase of each of these below.

.22LR Rifle & Pistol:

The .22LR rifle and pistol are your basic target shooting weapons. They’re relatively inexpensive and .22 ammo is cheap and plentiful, so you can blow through a few hundred rounds without breaking the bank. They can also be used for hunting rodents for amusement.

The Ruger Mark III is an excellent .22 pistol at a reasonable price ($350-650*).

As for the .22 rifle; you have to first decide if you want single-shot or semi-auto. I would recommend as semi-auto, as reloading singleshots constantly can get annoying, but you could save a bit of money. Also note, that single-shot .22′s are usually geared towards children, so they may not always feel right.

The Ruger 10/22 is a popular semi-auto .22LR rifle at a reasonable price ($200-400). You can get the Tapco Ruger 10/22 ($100) if you really need to save money, but it will be lower quality.

If you really want to get a single shot, I’ve heard the Cricket ($130) is pretty good.

High-Powered Handgun

The high-powered handgun is for personal defence. If concealed carry is allowed where you live, carry it with you; if not, learn to use it in case a situation ever arises where you need it. It can be used for home defence, but generally a shotgun is better.

You have to choose first if you want a revolver or a pistol (or both). A revolver is more reliable, but has less ammo capacity.

If you want a revolver, get it in .357 Magnum. Pretending to be Dirty Harry may be tempting, but the .44 is too powerful for a starter revolver. .357 is a solid round capable of downing a man. As well, .38 special can be used in a .357 revolver for practice at a cheaper price. I own the Smith & Wesson .357 ($800-1100) and its a good revolver, I’d recommend it. It’s a bit pricy, so the Pietta 1873 ($450) could be a cheaper alternative; it’s reviewed fairly well.

As for pistols, there’s two major camps: the Glock and the 1911. The Glock is more reliable and has more capacity, but some think the 1911 has a better trigger. The debate has been raging for a while and I’m not going to wade into it, so you’ll just have to do some research and choose. Then you need to choose your ammo type as described above.

As for me, I plan on getting a Glock Gen IV ($600-700) in .40S&W.

Shotgun

The shotgun is for home defence and for hunting. Not to mention, the shotgun is by far the most fun weapon to shoot. Unless your main purpose for the shotgun is skeet (or you’re a women or child), get a 12 gauge in 3″. I’d recommend a pump action, but you could get a semi-auto if you have money to burn.

The Mossberg 500 series ($300-350) is generally recommended as a starter shotgun. You can get a pump cheaper, but they won’t be as good quality. I own one and I love it.

Hunting Rifle

This is for hunting big game. You want a bolt action chambered in either .30-06 or .308, probably .308. I bought the .30-06 and wish I had got .308 instead; I’m finding the upwards kick of the .30-06 annoying.

The Savage Arms Axis ($430) was a highly recommended starting rifle. It’s not overly expensive and it’s good quality. The scope is subpar, but you can always replace it if you wish. I own one, it can occasionally jam if I slide the bolt too fast, but other than that works well.

I’ve found though, that I prefer the Mosin-Nagent. I find it easier and more enjoyable to shoot. You can get a milsurp nugget for a fairly good price and ammo is inexpensive. Be careful though, quality can vary. Also it doesn’t come with a scope unless you pay extra for the sniper variant, which will limit your accuracy and range.

Tactical Rifle

Your tactical rifle is the one you keep for potential tactical situations, for example, should law and order ever break down in a natural disaster. It will likely be the most expensive addition to your collection. They start in the $800-1000 range and go up from there depending on what you’re looking for. A really good new one with all the cool doodads could cost $3000-4000.

Two common types of tactical rifles are either a .308 battle rifle or a .223/5.56 AR-15 variant.

AR’s are popular and are the civilian version of the US Army’s M16. They also have the advantage of having untold modification options, so you can look tacticool (not necessarily a good thing; kitting yourself out beyond your skill level can get you mocked silently by others at the range).

Boston’s Gun Bible recommends against AR-15 variants as .223 does not have enough stopping power. He is a proponent of .308 battle rifles and recommends the M1A or the FN-FAL. They have longer range and more stopping power.

The choice is yours. Give it some research and thought.

Given the high cost of even a basic tactical rifle, you might as well skip buying an intro rifle and save up for the good one you really want, but if you’re really looking for a cheap battle rifle, the Soviet surplus SVT-40 can be had for a few hundred dollars. It won’t be as good, but it should be functional and uses the powerful 7.62x54R round.

I am still saving for a tactical rifle and looking for a good one that’s legal in Canada. I think it might be an M1A. For now I make do with an SKS and am planning on getting the SVT-40 this spring.

****

Other Things You Need

Here are a few other things you should buy for your guns, make sure to include them in your gun budget:

  • Cleaning kit
  • Gun Oil & cloth
  • Windex
  • Something to shoot at (if not using a range)
  • Spare magazines (have 2-3 mags per gun)
  • Extra ammo
  • Trigger locks – May be required by law, I prefer the combination locks over the key locks.
  • Carrying cases
  • Gun safe – May be required by law, necessary if children are around, optional otherwise.
  • Holster – Needed if you plan to concealed carry, optional otherwise.
  • Range membership

When buying ammunition, buy in bulk to save money. If you don’t buy in bulk, then always buy a more than you use and save the extra, until you have 500-1000 rounds per ammo type, just in case you ever need it.

****

Shooting Space

You need a place to practice with your firearms. If you live in the country, this should be easy, use your own land, some public land, or a friend’s land. If you live in the city it can be more difficult.

In the city you should be able to find an indoor range for handguns and your .22. Finding an indoor range for higher calibers and shotguns is a lot less likely. Depending on your city, you may be able to find an outdoor range. If you really can’t find anything, then make it a point to drive out to public land once a month for some shooting, but make sure you know the regs concerning the use of public land.

If you’re going to use a range choose one close to you and make sure to budget for the annual range fee. They will often be hundreds of dollars.

****

Other considerations

Milsurp: Military surplus, especially that from former Soviet republics, can be a good way to get a few firearms for cheap. In Canada, SKS and Mosin-Nagant rifles can be bought for $200, an SVT-40 for under $400. I think the US is more expensive, though, due to import laws. Also, quality can vary so make sure to purchase from a reputable dealer.

Buying Used: Used guns can save you money, but there’s a risk they might not work well. Either buy used from a reputable dealer or, if a private purchase, make sure to test the guns first to make sure they shoot wel. One advantage of used firearms is that if kept in good condition they will rarely decrease in value, and may even increase in value.

Home defence: For home defence, the general recommendation a 12-gauge shotgun. You’ll want a shorter barrel; a long-barreled shotgun will be harder to maneuver with. Load it with 1 or 0 buckshot. If you can’t find them, 00 is more common and will also do. a high-powered pistol, rifle, or slug will penetrate your walls and could go who knows where creating collateral damage. Buckshot lowers the chances of collateral damage while still having the force to put someone down. The pump-shotgun also has the added bonus of a familiar sound, which may strike intimidate intruders. (Some people prefer birdshot to reduce penetration further). Store your shotgun safely near where you sleep; keep it loaded (if legal) but don’t chamber a round. Practice retrieving it and loading it. Make sure to know self-defence laws for where you live.

Cleaning: You’ll want to give your guns a quick wipe down after use and occasionally oil it. You should also dissemble it for a thorough cleaning and oiling on occasion. How often you do this depends on your gun; generally the more complex the gun, the more maintenance it needs. Your bolt action rifle won’t need much cleaning all that often. You’re expensive semi-auto will need it lot more. Your Soviet surplus rifle can be ignored for years fi you’re not using corrosive ammo.

Corrosive ammunition: Beware of corrosive ammunition, especially if you’re buying milsurp ammo. There’s nothing wrong with using corrosive ammunition, but if you do, make sure to clean your gun after every use. Windex works well for this. If you don’t it will ruin your gun.

Survivalism: If you are doing the survivalism route get guns in .22LR, 5.56×45, .308, and 12 gauge and stock up on ammo (buy .223 instead of 5.56×45). These will be the most common ammunition available and the most sought after. Also, it is relatively easy and inexpensive to create large stockpiles of surplus Soviet 7.62×39 and 7.62x54R ammunition.

There you have a starter guide to getting yourself some guns. Now get to shooting.

****

* All prices are new unless it’s milsurp.

Why Traditional Sex Roles Benefit Women

I am what many call a “sexist”, and the misogynist label has been sent my way a few times before. The sexism accusations usually come when I say something anti-feminist or acknowledge an unpleasant reality (in RL they also sometimes come when I make an off-colour joke).

But I do not hate women, rather I have a generally benevolent, if cynical, attitude towards them, just as I do to society as a whole. While I don’t particularly care about most women (or most men for that matter), I do generally like to see people get the best in life rather than the worst (other than the occasional bout of schaedenfreude or natural justice for the deserving).

And that is why I’m a sexist, because I wish women the best and they have been conned. The forces of disorder have have so manipulated the dominant narrative that many women (and men) now engage in fundamentally self-destructive behaviour.

So, for the purposes of helping women, I am going to clearly lay out the long con that has been played against you by society, the forces of disorder, ideologues, and the well-meaning but unknowing. This post is going to tie a lot of what I’ve written previously together, so links will be many.

****

Dear woman, you are taught to be independent, to avoid “ruining your life” with early marriage or having children young, to go to university and have your own career, and to avoid home-making. You are taught to be economically self-sufficient, to not be “controlled by your man”

In other words, you are taught to make your own life miserable. The jackals are trying to destroy your happiness, your sense of belonging, and your future family so they can economically exploit you. This may seem outrageous to you, but before being outraged, please finish reading, and consider the information I present. I don’t expect to change your mind now, but if I plant a seed of an idea, maybe you will germinate before you wind up miserable, exploited, alone, and beyond the point of no return.

Before I begin, know this: women nowadays are profoundly unhappy. Their happiness has been steadily declining for the last 4 decades. A quarter of all women use some sort mental health medication, and a quarter of women age 45 or older uses antidepressants. Women use antidepressents 2.5 times more than men and antidepressant use is rising rapidly. Nearly a quarter of women will get a depressive illness in their lifetime.

Women, particularly older women, are literally drugging themselves to escape the horrors of their life.

If you’re young, the choices you make now will determine if you’re part of that 1 in 4 women who needs drugs in middle age simply to get through the day.

So listen to me, and it may help you may avoid this.

****

Now, like most women, you probably want to get married and have children, if not right now, then at some point in the future. I know there are a few outlier women who never want to get married and never want to have children. If you are one of those women, ignore this, none of this will matter to you at all. But if you’re not one of these women, here is a warning for you. This is the trap that has been set for you all your life.

We will start with university. University, at least the liberal arts program you are probably considering, has turned into little more than a resource extracting scam. If you go to college, there is a one-third chance you will drop out with nothing to show for it. If you do graduate you will owe $23k in debt or so (on average), which may not seem like much, but if you are in the one-half of college graduates who are under- or unemployed (ie. you won’t be using your degree), it will hurt. One-half of young people have a job (or no job) that doesn’t require their degree. Choose your degree wisely; avoid liberal arts programs.

As for going to college to become a better person, there is a high chance you will learn almost nothing.

College is a trap to suck money from you. There is only a 1 in 3 chance you will get a degree and a job that requires your degree. You will be stuck with thousands of dollars of student debt either way.

If you find a job, you will be unhappy, maybe not now but eventually. 70% of people are disengaged from their jobs, 40% of people actively dislike their jobs. 67% of mothers wish they didn’t have to work full-time; among married mothers this increases to 77%. The profile of an unhappy worker is a single, 42-year-old professional woman.

Anecdotal accounts of women leaving the workplace to spend time with your children, or wishing they could and being unable to, are legion. 43% of women leave their jobs when they have children. Leaving your child at child care is often painful for many women. Feeling guilty or missing your children while at work is common (don’t worry you’ll adjust, it won’t always be that bad). 2/3′s of parents regret spending too much time at work instead of with their children. Most working women have difficulties with work-life balance.

To many women working is a hindrance to happiness and family life, but surely the extra money is good for the children?

But there is little extra money.

Taxes will take a good 30% of your income. If you’re married, daycare will take about 10% of your household income, which means it will take up about 20% of what you earn (assuming you and your husband earn the same; if he earns more, it will take up a larger share of your earnings). If you’re a single mother it will take up 30-40% of your income.

So half of what you will earn is accounted before you even earn it.

If you’re like most people (which you are), you’ll spend part of that income on a larger home. In fact, 30% of your “extra” income will go to a bigger house (which you’ll barely see, working full-time).

So, for busting your hump, about 20% (probably less) of what you earn will actually go to disposable income or improving your quality of life. That’s not the extra expenses of working: transportation, work clothes, lunches, coffee, etc. That $20 you earn will is more like $4 in the end.

But maybe missing your children and having only $4/hour in disposable income will be worth it because you will be doing exciting things at work?

Don’t count on it. Here’s a chart of the most common jobs women work:

All these jobs, with the exception of accountants and, possibly, managers (depending on what type of manager), can be divided into 6 categories: secretarial, food services, retail, nursing/personal care, housekeeping, and child-raising.

What do you notice about these six categories? With the exception of retail work, they are all things a housewife would be doing anyway.

So, instead of taking care of your family’s schedule, you will take care of your boss’s. Instead of feeding your family, you will feed other families. Instead of caring for your children and your parents, you’ll care of other people’s parents and children. Instead of cleaning your own house, you’ll clean someone else’s. Instead of raising your own child, you’ll raise someone else’s. Or you may be working in retail, which everyone hates.

It is highly likely that at your job you will be doing exactly what you would have done staying home, except you’ll be serving strangers rather than the husband and children you love.

So, in all likelihood you will be working a job you don’t care about or even actively hate, wishing you could work less. You will be missing your children as they are raised by other people so that you can care for other people’s families, all so that you can make a couple bucks an hour in disposable income to spend on consumerist crap and pills to make the depression go away. In addition, you will go into large amounts of debt for this privilege.

Does that sound like a good deal to you, dear woman?

Does that sound like the good life to you?

****

It probably doesn’t. So, what can you do about it?

First, you have to get a husband. If you do not have a husband you will be forced to work that miserable job or starve (or go on welfare). Remember above, single mothers spend 30-40% of their income on child care. Add on 30% of your income for housing and 30% for taxes, and you will have only 10% of income left for everything else (although, your tax burden will likely be lower than average and government handouts will stretch that 10% a bit further). Even so, you will not have the option to avoid working like a dog at a job you hate.

You’re best chance to get a husband is now. The younger you are, the larger your pool of men to choose from and the more willing they will be to sacrifice to get and keep you. Read this post from OKCupid and truly understand that graph. After age 26 your choices in the marriage pool will start to decline rapidly. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to be stuck with an undesirable man and the less likely you will be to find a man who wants you to stay home with your children.

Marry young.

Second, if you want children you have to be able to have children. Study this graph carefully:

If you wait until your 30s you have about a 1/10 chance of being infertile and it rises rapidly after that. I will repeat: if you do not start having children in your 20s there is a 8-15% chance you will never have children. If you wait until your 40s to have children you are as likely to be infertile as you are to conceive.

If you want children, especially if you want more than one, and you don’t want to run the risk of never having children, make sure to start in your 20s. This means marrying in your early-mid 20s.

Marry young.

(As alternative to marrying young, you could sleep around and party, but there’s a strong chance you’ll regret it anyways and there’s always the chance you’ll wait too long and end up miserable and lonely.)

Third is keeping your husband. If you lose your husband, you will lose your chance to stay at home, you will be forced into working, not to mention the unhappiness, poverty, and damage to children that usually accompanies divorce. I have previously analyzed which factors in a woman lead to divorce. I will share them here as things to avoid.

To keep a husband: don’t have sexual partners before marriage, wait until your 20s to marry (but after age 20 the effects of age are minimal), don’t get pregnant until you and your partner are married, get a degree (although, this is probably just a proxy for being intelligent and diligent enough to get a degree), be devout if you are religious, and make less than your future husband.

So, if you want to raise a family and avoid the trap of working a job you dislike, while serving other peoples families and missing your own family, all for almost no actual benefit, marry young, marry a man who wants traditional sex roles, don’t have premarital sex, and go to church.

Make the right choices now, so you don’t have to pop Zoloft throughout your later years out of regret for making the wrong choices.

You, along with many other men and women, have been swindled. Don’t let yourself be swindled further. Don’t engage in feminist self-annihilation.

If the information and advice I have presented here have caused you to consider marrying early, I have a little bit of advice here on how to find and/or make a good husband.

****

This one’s been sitting half done for months now. In celebration of Traditional Sex Roles Week, I’ve decided to finish it. Women, it’s in your own interest to get #BackToTheKitchen.

Responses to Alternatives

This was going to be a part of the next Lightning Round, but it was threatening to take over the post, and it’s too important.

There has been an ongoing debate on Christianity and game. It sparked again recently at GBFM, Donal’s, Zippy’s, and Cane’s.

So, I asked what the alternative to game was for Christians. The thread blew up. I’m not even going to try to address the comments; there’re too many. I have read them all though.

Here’re some of the highlights, but I’d heavily recommend reading all the linked posts, not just the blurbs I put up.

Cane responded to my post; he seems to have taken my lament as a criticism of him and others in the Christian ortho-manosphere, when it was not intended as such.

To correct my error of ungratefulness, I wish to express gratitude here to Cane, and to all the others in the ortho-manosphere who have contributed their wisdom. It would be hard to overstate the value of the wisdom I have received from all those on my blogroll and those regularly comment at said blogs.

I responded to Cane here. Cane responded to some other responses here and here. In these he pointed out one thing I need to work on.

Limit yourself to a maximum of two of those nerdy hobbies, and over the course of a week spend less than one hour a day on them. So if you spend seven hours playing Call of Duty on a Saturday: No video games or other nerd hobbies for the rest of the week. Then put the rest of that time into more productive and attractive activities. Nobody gets docked by sane people for lifting weights, reading the Bible, taking walks, Sudoku, writing, cooking, painting, woodworking, or any number of other things. Here’s a generalization on how to know if a hobby is nerdy. If, at the end of the hobby’s endeavor, you don’t have a new product, life experience, or life skill: It’s probably nerdy. Collecting or buying baubles does not count as production.

Something I should work on.

Simon Grey responded to the post, blaming fear rather than awkwardness:

I do believe the phrase “awkward Christian man” is an oxymoron. A more accurate way of capturing reality would be “awkward churchian male.” Why? Because, “God has not given us a spirit of fear.”

Remember Christ’s exhortation to, “not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul[, b]ut rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” If Christ tells those who are his followers to not be afraid of death, then just why the fuck should any of them be afraid to talk to women? Why should they be afraid to be honest with women (or anyone, for that matter)? If you see a girl at church, think she’s pretty, and want to go out with her, why are you too much of a coward to simply tell her that you think she’s pretty and you want to take her out? You’re not supposed to fear death, so why would you fear a girl? Even if she is a succubus, you still shouldn’t fear her.
….
That said, it seems the biggest problem that a lot of Church-going males have is that they are still quite ruled by fear. They can’t look people in the eyes and speak directly to them. They may eventually need to learn some social tact, but for now the bigger problem is fear.

Keoni replies to both Cane and myself:

Discovering “Game” was my game changer.

It gave me a language to describe and think about so many things I previously could not even name, let alone comprehend.

It provided a schema for grasping the larger concepts bereft in my emasculated upbringing. And ultimately, it has also  eventually brought me around full circle into belief in the truth of the Gospel of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Discovering “Game” was my game changer. It gave me a language to describe and think about so many things I previously could not even name, let alone comprehend. It provided a schema for grasping the larger concepts bereft in my emasculated upbringing. And ultimately, it has also  eventually brought me around full circle into belief in the truth of the Gospel of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Without discovering the red pill of game, I doubt I ever would have came to this realization and recognize this idolatry for what it is, nor broken free from it’s ritualistic worship. And I’m not the only one.

Thanks to the socially engineered sexual and cultural revolutions, the transmission of modeled masculinity via Patrimony has been decimated. Many of us raised in the environment of crippled or non-existent Patrimony were never given the example to emulate. So the only other choice we do have, is to study and practice a systematic method to develop our own, individual expression of our chosen art form.

But like any systematic study of an art form, the study and practice of techniques is only a regimented means of developing a skill set and muscle memory to be able to move without thought.

Vox provided a small bit in response to Keoni:

Now, Game is not Christ. Game is not Truth. But Game is truth, and he who comes to love truth will, in time, come to love Truth as well. At the very least, the truth-seeker has set himself upon the rocky and difficult path that leads to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Vox also responded to GBFM’s attack on game. It’s not a response to me, but is related:

This does not mean both teachings are equally truthful nor does it mean they are the same. Indeed, it is not at all hard to identify the differences between them. However, it must be admitted that the Bible gives considerably less in the way of direction to Man concerning how he should behave towards women in specific circumstances than the Chateau does. It is silent on recommendations concerning text messaging, just to give one example.

I am a Christian. If you want my absolute core advice, it is this: Fear God.

Now, I could simply post that every day, and it would certainly be easier to do so, but I don’t see how it would be of much use to anyone. I could also limit my subjects addressed to Christian evangelism, but I don’t really have much more to say on that than I already say. However, I have seen that there is a tremendous amount that needs to be said, and that people have not heard before, concerning intersexual relations and their effect upon our society. That’s why I started this blog. And so that is what I address here.

I have great respect for Roissy, for Heartiste, and for Dalrock. I even have a fair amount of respect for GBFM. We are all part of the same great cultural battle for the mind and soul of the West, which has been deeply corrupted by Marxism, by equalitarianism, by secular humanism, by atheism, and by feminism. But the fact that GBFM’s heart may be more or less in the right place does not excuse the abandonment of the truth.

There is only one Christianity and that is the one defined by the Lordship, not merely the teachings, of Man’s Savior, Jesus Christ.

****

Throughout all this the commenters were very active. Here’s a few comments I want to highlight.

Aquinas Dad gave a good practical list for self-improvement techniques. I look forward to his book:

I told you, above, what to do. You need a step by step? Sure!
1) Set a regular schedule. When you get up, when you go to sleep, etc. so that you get good sleep as often as you can. Stick to it
2) Eat regular, healthy meals.
3) Sit down and decide what you want out of life. Make a list of, oh, the top three things you want. Now, take each thing and divide it into the steps you think you need to take to get there. For example, ‘I want to own a home with 3 bedrooms in a safe neighborhood’ – locate neighborhoods; price homes; calculate the down payment and the mortgage payments; calculate how long it will take you to save for the down payment; etc.
4) Start working on the first step of each goal.
– keep the goals written down and on you at all times. Look at them once a day
-every other week sit down and examine your progress. Write down how you are doing and how you can improve, if you need to
-once each three months re-evaluate your plan – were you too ambitious? Too cautious? Adjust as you need
-every six months re-evaluate your goals: should you change them?
5) If you are not social join groups and attend. Start with something simple like, oh, book readings. You can avoid a lot of talking (sometimes *all* talking) and get used to being around strangers in a low-stress public space. Then try something a bit more interactive like an evening cooking class for adults. Work up to groups that are part of shared interests, like rafting, or books, or anime, or whatever.
6) look at what you waste time on. Ever catch yourself flipping through the channels because nothing is on? yeah, stop that. read books; good books. Read classics, non-fiction, stuff related to your goals, etc. Do you have a friend that just complains, complains, complains and isn’t there for you? yeah – spend time with other people.
7) Exercise every day even if it is just walking around the block at first. Make it part of your schedule to replace the time wasters you threw out. Make a separate *reasonable* plan to improve your fitness over time. Adjust it like you do your other goals.
8) Stop lying. Start with ‘to yourself’. Don’t be rude, but be honest. “How do I look?” “I like you better in red”; “Do you think I should quit my job?” “Yes/no”; etc.
9) Spend two months tracking all of your expenses. Every nickel. Write it all down. Now, make a budget that gets rid of all the stupid waste and stick to it. Save. Avoid debt as best you can.
10) Think about every purchase you are making. Do you need it or want it? Is it part of your goals or not? Is there a way to get this cheaper?
11) Pick something that makes you nervous/scared. Now do something that makes you confront it. Afraid of heights? Take a footbridge every week. When that doesn’t make you nervous anymore move up to, oh, walking a cliff-edge trail, whatever. Then move on to the next thing.
12) Remember those group activities, above? Well, use them to get to know women without planning on dating or sleeping with them. Learn what you really want and like in women (If you aren’t familiar with women you might be wrong/not know).
13) Once you feel you know what you like and want ask a woman to coffee or something just to talk. Get to know her better on this outing. Try to simply enjoy it and try to have her enjoy the time, too. Be up-front you are interested in knowing her better, thank you.
Now, do it again with a different woman. And then another. Don’t hide this (no lying includes no deception) just honestly tell them you want to know them better.
The goal is to make sure you really do know what you like and want and that you can actually detect it in a woman.
14) Now that you are sure you know what you want [side note. BE HONEST about this. You might think you *should* like, oh, blondes with huge tracts of land, but if you really like shy brunettes under 5’4″ well, there you are. Don’t lie to yourself) start looking for it. Continue to enjoy your time in groups, continue to build friendships, but look for what you want.

Earl (get a blog) writes on the nature of game:

As addressed earlier, the reason why Christians are going to game sites is because they TELL them a system. It may not always work and I do believe it is a placebo but it stresses doing something and points out the dark nature of females which has been well covered up by the other side. The advice on which women to avoid alone is worth the reads. Consider all the “man up and marry the slut” shaming from Christian leaders…those aren’t prudent woman. Now I have a good filter to know what a prudent wife is should the Lord give me that gift.

I was not given anything explicitly from my father, the church, society, etc…other than “be yourself and be good”. Everything was more or less implied…but that is tough to get when you have so many different areas of propaganda being thrown at you and most are to ruin your masculinity. How are we supposed to know that when nobody explicitly points that out in the churches? Do most men outside the sphere realize how much they are being emasculated daily? Do most men know what they are doing that shows active emasculation? I doubt it because I see it all the time in the area I live. The only ones that haven’t are like fish in water…they’ve always been that way and never consider that others are outside that water.

And I say you can separate the good from the bad given that you are asking God for wisdom…fornicating is sinning, getting your butt off the couch and working out is good. Passive aggressive tricks with women is bad…going up, overcoming your fear, having outcome independence and talking to a woman you are interested in is good. Game causes a man to be effeminate through doing, and many other place tell men to be effeminate by being.

To sum up…pray and ask God for the tools you need in your particular situation (because He knows more than you or anybody else will)…then stop being afraid, get off your butt, and use those tools to the best of your abilities. I can give my list of what I do as ideas…but it will not be your list. The common theme of the lists is that it better produce.

Chad writes on the mission:

God is not a system. You don’t put in a quarter and expect to get a gumball or candy. You especially cannot expect to have any sort of Justice served to you in this fallen world; only in the perfection of Heaven can you find true Justice and Mercy.

Is that to say that you should not try? No, if anything, you should try harder. Take up your cross and learn what it is to be Christian. You have no foresight on if God is using this time to form you into a better husband for your future wife, if he’s giving you the tools for your future marriage to prosper instead of falling into ruin, or any other of the numerous mysteries God might have in store for you.

Stop using a fallen world as an excuse. Use every gift God gave you to collect more for his harvest, and realize that every time you go out of the house to do that, any single female you meet could be your future wife. Stop and talk to them. Take your time, have patience, and give your Godly Masculinity to the world. Your cup will run empty. And God will refill it fuller than it was before.

Beyond the responses to my post, the foundations of Christian masculinity are being laid, but this post already huge, so I’ll address this in a post to come.

Building a Life Together

Donal wrote a couple posts on men’s SMV and marriage conundrums and women’s complimentary conundrum.

I’m going to focus on the second, in particular. Not wanting to add to Sigyn’s compassion fatigue, I’m not going to talk of how its easier for women to find a marriage partner at this age than men, but rather I’m going to give advice to the young ladies who want to marry young but can’t find a worthy young man to marry.

****

First, the reality: you won’t be able to.

For you, young woman of average beauty in your late-teens or early-20s, it will be almost impossible to find a worthy young man who wants to marry you. The vast majority of men your age are of naturally low value, they are unworthy. Most of those few that aren’t unworthy will either not desire marriage or would be a poor marriage partner.

To be worthy, a man must be a good man; he must also have experience,  be able to lead, have a mission, have resources, be skilled, be confident, have positive status, and having a little charm would help as well.

Notice what these all of these but being good have in common:

They all take a long time to develop.

A young man in his early-to-mid-20s will not have had that time. At best, most men will develop this in their late-20s or early-30s. Many men will never develop these.

A good young man near your age will not have discovered his mission yet, he will lack confidence, he will be inexperienced, he will be poor, he will lack status, he will be unskilled, and he probably won’t have developed charm yet. He has likely never been in a position of leadership in his life.

Those that do have status, charm, or confidence at this age will usually have it for the wrong reasons. These will be the petty drug dealers, the college sports stars, the rebel musicians, the budding Casanovas, the frat boys, etc. Most will not be desiring marriage because they will be drowning in easy sex from many fresh, young co-eds (you’re not the only girl trying to find a confident, charming young man) and they would likely make poor marriage partners even if they did.

Now, there will be a very few good young men looking for marriage who have all this. Whether from inheritance, genetic blessing, exceptional parenting, and/or plain dumb luck some good young men will have many or all of these measures of worth, but these men will be very rare indeed. The young Christian sports star (the Tim Tebows of the world) or the grungy-looking worship leader would be the most likely bet.

If you want to have your own Tim Tebow, go back in time and be born a blonde bombshell with a beautiful face and measurements near 36-24-36C.

Don’t have a time machine? You’re not getting a Tim Tebow.

Unless you were born an 8 or a 9 and managed to keep your figure looking smashing, you won’t be getting the worthy young man. These young men are exceedingly rare and will have their pick of the church. Are you the prettiest in your church, your college and career group, and your Christian campus group?

Probably not, otherwise you’d already have one of these men and you wouldn’t be reading this.

Exception: A high-school sweetheart deal. An average young women in high school can snag a higher value man simply by being his first girlfriend and making it so pleasant for him that he marries her right out of high school before he even begins to understand his worth. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably missed that chance, but if you’re still in high school, give it a go; you never know.

****

So, now that you, young woman who is not exceptionally beautiful, know that you will not be able to get a worthy, marriage-minded man near your age, what can you do to get a worthy husband?

There are two options: date older or build one.

Option 1: Date Older

There won’t be a worthy young man your own age, but there will be a few worthy, marriage-minded men in the 28-35 age range.

If you do this, you will essentially be joining the life he will have built up. He will likely be loathe to give up what he has already built, so it will be less a melding of lives together and more you inserting yourself into his pre-built life.

There is nothing wrong with this, but it is what it is.

Also, an age difference to 5-15 years may be looked at askance by society in this fallen age. Be prepared for that.

If you’re fine with both of those go for it. It should be fairly easy; most of these men will be very happy to have a young girl in her late-teens/early-20s interested in them. What man wouldn’t feel proud to have a cute wife 10 years his junior?

Find out where good young men in their late-20s, early-30s hang-out. Then go there, look pretty, be nice, and make yourself available. Or go on a dating site and express an interest in this age group in your profile; a few of the dozens/hundreds of men e-mailing you will be these kinds of man, it’s simply a matter of sorting the wheat from the chaff.

But if marrying a man 5-10 years older than you sounds unappealing, there is a second option: build a worthy man.

****

Option 2: Build a Worthy Man

You won’t be able to find a worthy young man, but you can build one from an unworthy man. This is a 3-step process.

Step One: The Building Clay

Find an honest, good-hearted, marriage-minded young man who displays potential.

Potential is hard to define, but, essentially, is he a decent young man?

Remember, you are looking for a man who has a certain amount of natural virtue; focus on that and ignore the superficial things; you can work on that later.

Some things to look for:

  • Is he building for the future? ie.: Is he going to college, working on his own business, or taking trades training?
  • Does he have a good relationship with his parents?
  • Is he responsible with his money, his time, his gifts?
  • Does he express an interest in marriage and children?
  • Could he be handsome if he stood up straighter, had a better haircut, and lost those dorky-looking glasses?
  • Does he have plans for the future?
  • If you’re Christian, does he go to church regularly?
  • Do other adults who know him (his boss, church elders, his professors, etc.) respect him and speak well of him?
  • Does he have a group of friends who are decent people?

If the answer is yes to most or all of these, he has potential.

Now potential is just that, potential, it is not actuality. He is not going to have everything you want, now. But, if you choose the right base material, you can build the rest into him. So here’s some things to overlook because they will either develop with time, or you will help him develop it:

  • He dresses poorly.
  • He’s not a leader.
  • He’s socially awkward.
  • He’s currently poor.
  • He plays video games.

Choose the right base material and you can fix all these superficial deficits over time.

If you’re in doubt if the man you’re interested in is good base material, bring him to your parent’s home for a night of dinner and board games. Ask your parents about him afterwards (and demand they be honest). If they like him, you’ve got a decent candidate; if they don’t, dump him.

Step 2: Test Him

So, now you’ve found a decent young man, but he hasn’t proven himself yet, so you’re taking a risk.

Here’s a few simple tests of worthiness for a guy you’ve been dating for a few months or for one of those guys who’s been your close friend with for a while and there’s some mutual interest:

1) Tell him you want to spend a special day together and ask him to plan it. Don’t help him plan, don’t criticize, and go along with whatever he plans. His attitude is more important than what you actually end up doing. If he puts in some planning, pulls off something half-decent, and tries to lead while doing so that’s good. If he sloughs it off and phones you at the last minute asking what you feel like doing and you end up hanging out together as normal, that’s not.

2) Say you’d like to go on a day-long road trip to ???? (some park or attraction within an hour’s drive) and ask him to plan it. Look for the same things as #1.

3) Invite him to help you paint your room; tell him you don’t know what you’re doing. Does he show up prepared to work? Does he take the lead? Does he try to show you how? Is he patient? Does he avoid complaining? Look for his attitude.

4) If you’re planning to move, tell him you don’t have any men to help you (make sure to tell your dad, brothers, and male friends to be busy that day) and don’t know how you’re going to move all this big, heavy furniture by yourself. Ask if he can organize some of his friends to help. If he shows up with a couple friends in tow and takes the lead, you’ve got a keeper on your hands.

5) Have your dad invite him over to work on a project together; tell your dad why and let your dad arrange it. Listen to what your dad says about him afterward.

If he passes a few of these or similar tests, you’ve probably got good base material. It will not eliminate the risk of a dud entirely, but it will minimize the risks.

Onto the next step.

****

Step Three: Build Him

He’s probably a bit dorky, awkward, or weird, but don’t worry, you’re going to change that.

Is he a poor engineering student now? Don’t worry; that means 10 years from now he will be a highly-paid engineer. Just let time take its course.

Does he dress like a dork? No problem. He doesn’t realize he looks like a dork, and he likely really doesn’t care how he dresses (as long as it’s not fruity). He’ll be happy to change for you, if you do it right.

Next time he goes clothes shopping, go with him. Recommend a few things you like; when he tries something on and it looks good in it, make it known. Compliment him on how handsome he is, smile coyly, lick your lips, make a big deal of how handsome, sexy, and manly he looks while rubbing your hand casually but enticingly up his arm. I know it sounds kind of stupid, but it will be almost impossible to go overboard. Most young men very rarely get complimented by cute, young girls, so the rush he’ll get from from your effusive praise will make him ignore such petty things as logic and reality. If possible, convince another female cashier to comment on how handsome he looks in those clothes. He will buy that outfit; if not this time, the next. He might not wear it for a while, but when he does, do it all over again; gush over how handsome he looks in it and get your other female friends to do so as well. Do this for one item a shopping trip; in a few years you’ll have replaced his whole wardrobe, he’ll be looking good, and he’ll think it was all his idea.

One important rule: Do not nag; do not ask or demand he buy or wear the new clothes. That will backfire and create resistance. Simply stay positive and compliment and encourage him; it will work wonders.

Does he have a dorky haircut, stupid-looking glasses, a nerdy watch? Do exactly what you did with the clothes and soon he’ll have contacts, a great haircut, and a stylish watch.

Does he lack confidence? No problem. With a cute, young girl like you telling him what a great man he is every day and supporting him in everything he does, he’ll gain some pretty fast. Nothing boosts a man’s confidence like a pretty young lady’s compliments. Make sure not to criticize him; remain positive.

Does he lack leadership? Don’t worry about it. He may not be a leader now, but when you submit to him, he’ll be forced to lead and, in being forced, will learn to do so. With a cute, young girl, like you, looking to him for guidance, submitting to his decisions, and regularly praising his decisiveness, great decisions, and excellent leadership, he’ll quickly become the dominant leader you’re looking for.  Whatever you do, don’t criticize his decisions when he does lead; that will backfire and he will be less likely to lead in the future.

Is he socially awkward? No problem. Get him to read this and this. Talk with him and make him comfortable talking with you. Bring him to hang out in large groups. With you at his side, supporting him in social situations, he’ll slowly gain the social skills you want him to have. A few years from now, you’ll look back and wonder whatever happened to the socially awkward man you once knew.

Does he have less ambition than you like? That’s a bit of a problem, but easily remedied as long as it’s not a complete lack. Encourage him to be proactive (again, no criticism).

Does he idly come up with a decent business idea? “That’s an amazing idea, honey, I’m sure you could make it work.” Then, when out socially with him, mention to your friends/family this great idea he had. Eventually, he’ll try simply because you’ve built so much positive expectation that he would feel horrible about not doing so. Then support him fully as he tries.

Is there a job or schooling opportunity you think he should go for? “Did you hear about this dear. It looks like an amazing opportunity and I think you’re so good at this that you’d be a shoe-in.” Then, when he does try, support him fully and unreservedly. When he gets the job, praise him and tell him how you knew he’d do it.

Again, do not nag. Remain positive.

Another important rule: If he tries and fails, do not complain about his failure or criticize him. A simple “some things are not meant to be” or “circumstances just weren’t right” is okay. Follow that up with a “You’re so amazing, I’m sure next time you’ll do it. Have you seen this? I’m sure you’d be great at it.”

Does he play too many video games? Understand an hour or two a day is not that big a deal. If he plays a lot more than that: find out what he likes doing otherwise, then sign you both up for it, or get him and one of his friends to sign up for it if it’s a male activity. Be supportive and positive, don’t nag. “You know how you’ve always wanted to ????, well I’ve signed us up. It will be so much fun doing this with you.”

Is he in poorer shape than you’d like? Cook him some good meals. Then join a gym, go a couple times, and mention how you wish you had someone to go with. If guys hit on you at the gym, be sure to let slip how you wish “there was someone to go to the gym with as guys are always hitting on me.” At other times mention how much more handsome he would look with a little less weight or a little more muscle.

Eventually, he’ll come with you. After the workout, mention how hot he looks when he’s lifting or dripping with sweat or something related to working out. After he’s been coming to the gym with you for a while, take care to notice that new muscle (“it feels so big and hard“, said admiringly while putting your hand over it) or the lost weight. After that, he’ll keep going with you.

You’ll notice a them through all of this: positivity and support.

For most decent men, they will rise up to what is expected of them. If you go into a relationship expecting the best out of a good man and encouraging him to reach his full potential, he will rise to the challenge. There is nothing in life that will drive a man to self-improvement like having a cute, young woman support and compliment him in doing so.

Young lady of average looks, if you want to marry a man your own age who will be worthy:

Choose a good man with potential, test him, then build him up.

Do all this and in a few years you’ll be married to worthy man of whom you’ll be proud and he will love more than you could possibly understand for helping make him so.

****

One other thing: make sure to improve yourself so that good men are attracted to you.

  • Keep fit; little will drive men off more than being fat.
  • Be happy and pleasant. Most men like a girl who’s positive and enjoyable to be around.
  • Be of good character. A man of good character wants a wife of good character.

See here and here for other things a good young man might be looking for in a wife.

****

Finally some theory.

Today, marriage is treated as a capstone. People think getting married is something they do once they’ve completed all the others bricks in the wall.

Once I finish college, get a good job, and buy a house, then I’ll be ready for marriage.”

This is not how marriage is supposed to be. Marriage is supposed to be a cornerstone.

Marriage is about building the wall together. The proper attitude is:

We’ll get married, we’ll support each other through college, we’ll support each other in starting our careers, and then we’ll buy a house together and make a family. We’ll build a life together.”

When I recommend  building a man, this is what I am talking about.

You don’t have to try to go after the fully formed man who has it all together; you can marry the solid, young guy who has unrealized potential.

He may not be much now, but if you join to him while young and build a life together as he becomes a fully realized man, he will love you more than you can imagine, for he will not be able to imagine a life apart from you, because you will have been there with him building the wall together.

That is my advice to both young men and young women. Find a good person while young, if you can, and build a life together.

$5 a Day Paleo

It is often said that good food is expensive, while unhealthy food is cheap. Today, I’m going to show you how you can eat healthy, eat paleo, for $150 a month, about $5 a day. It’s not as cheap as KD (which would come to about $70/month with milk and butter) or ramen (of which you could eat 4 a day for <$30/month), but it’s much healthier and far more satisfying.

It is also said eating healthy takes too long too prepare. That is also incorrect, I spend about 15 minutes a day preparing food, and most of that is spent surfing the net.

This will require some small upfront investment, specifically a Costco card. It’s $55/year in Canada; it’s probably less in the US, not a big deal and it will save you a lot of money in the end. This will also require a decent kitchen knife, get one if you don’t have one. (Believe me, cutting some of this meat without a decent knife is a, literally, painful experience).

Cost: $5/month.

Drink

Drink water.

Water is free and water is good. If you don’t have a Brita filter water jug, get one; it makes water taste much better. It’s only $10, $20 if you get a bigger one, less than a pack or two of water bottles or pop. Make sure to add new water as soon as you drink to keep the container full; that way your water is always cold. It’s well worth it.

I can not stress this enough; if you only ever make one healthy change in your life, stop buying pop, juice, beer, milk, or other beverages. When at home drink nothing but water. (When out with friends, have some fun). It will have amazingly effective results for something so small.

Cost: negligible.

In fact, if you drink just one 2L of pop every two days, I just saved you about $30/month for a single $10 investment.

Dinner

Go to Costco, to the meat section.

Find the pork loin; it’ll be about $20-25 for about 10lbs. This works out to about 15-20 portions of just over a half pound each. That’s about $1.50 per meal.

Nearby should be the beef eye round. It’s about $18-20 for about 6lbs. This works out to about 10-12 portions at just over a half pound; about $2 per meal.

Go home, cut them up into either 1/4 or 1/2lb chops/steaks/cutlets (give or take) and put about a half lb of meat into sandwich bags (which you bought in bulk at Costco). Put one beef and one pork bag in the fridge, the rest in the freezer.

To prepare, simply fry in some butter or oil, put on a couple spices, and flip once.

Every time you eat one from the fridge, replace it with one from the freezer, so it defrosts for next time.

Cost: $40 for the month.

Prep Time: 30 min/month to cut meat; 15 min/day to fry meat.

Lunch

In the same meat section by some chicken breasts or thighs. The thighs are cheaper, but a pain to cut because they are more fatty. I usually get the breasts.

Buy one pack of breasts about 6 lbs each; it comes to about $20 each.

Go to the produce section. Find this:

It’s about $3-4 for a bag of sweet kale, 3 bags should last a week.

Cut the breasts up into small chunks and fry up it all up at once. It should all fit in a larger pan. Stick it into a container.

Every day take out about 1/14 of the chicken, mix it with a bit less than a half bag of kale. Add the dressing that comes with (or make your own*).

Do this once every two weeks; 6 lbs of chicken and and 6 bags of kale comes to about $40 for two weeks; about $3-4 per meal.

Cost: $80/month.

Prep Time: 45 min/bi-weekly to cut and fry meat; 3 min/day assembly.

You are now eating 2 satisfying, 1/2lb+, healthy paleo meals a day for $120 a month.

Breakfast

Skip breakfast. I rarely eat it; it is unnecessary. But if breakfast is a must, 5 dozen eggs are $10.  If you buy two, that’s 4 eggs each morning for a month for $20, buy 3 for $30 if you want 6 eggs a morning). Boil them, scramble them, or make an omelet. Throw on a bit of salt and pepper.

Cost: $0 ($20-30/month, if you must).

Prep Time: None (5-20 min/per day depending on how you prep the eggs).

Snacks

For snacks, bananas, apples, and other fruits are a few bucks for a large bushel, a large box of berries is usually only a few bucks (prices vary, so always check which are currently cheap), bags of dark chocolate squares are <$10, a 12-pack of Greek Yogurt is about $12, and large bags of almonds are $15. Mix and match as you like; the non-perishables in Costco size will usually be good for a couple of months.

Cost: Variable, $10-30.

Prep time: Negligible.

Other

Butter or coconut oil is a must for cooking. A stick of butter costs a few bucks and should last a month or two; a large container of coconut oil is about $10 at Costco and should last a few months (at least).

Buy some BBQ sauce to dip the meat in for flavour. I like to use a lot of Bullseye BBQ sauce; a large container usually lasts me a month. At Costco, it comes in packs of two large containers for about $10.

Get some spices, some salt, and some pepper. Some of my favourite spices include Montreal Steak Spice, Seasoning Salt, and Lemon and Herbs. If you buy a bunch at once, it will be a fairly big initial outlay (my first spice shopping was about $80), but spices, especially when bought in Costco sizes, last for a very long time, so they very rarely need to be replaced. After the initial investment, the cost becomes negligible. Or you can go slower and buy one new spice a shopping trip, which will be about $5-10.

Cost: $5-20/month

Prep time: Not applicable

Total Cost

There you have it, that’s two meals a day, each over a half pound of healthy food, for $125 a month. That’s about $4 a day.

If you add breakfast it’s about $145-155. About $5 a day.

When you add snacks and condiments, it’s about $140-$175. About $5-6 a day.

If you add both it is about $150-$200/month. About $5-7 a day.

That’s cheaper than a single Big Mac Meal. In fact, you can eat healthy for a whole day for the price of a Starbuck’s coffee.

Total prep time is about 2 hours a month and 20 minutes a day.

You really can eat healthy, real food for relatively low cost with little time investment.

Saving More

If $5 a day is too rich for your blood, you can save even more by:

  • Cutting out the snacks.
  • Reducing condiment and spice usage.
  • Reducing beef consumption and eating more pork.
  • Eating more eggs and reducing meat consumption.
  • Replacing chicken breasts with thighs, pork, beef, or eggs.
  • Remove the meat from the salad entirely and replacing with more greens.
  • Changing from kale mix to cheaper greens.
  • Intermittent fasting: periods of fasting are good for the mind, the soul, and the wallet. I went a week this summer eating only a salad a day for lunch, simply because that was all I needed.

You could probably eat paleo for under $100/month if you tried. That’s just over $3 per day.

I have done this once or twice when facing self-imposed financial restrictions; sometimes you just need ammo more than food.

****

Now, this is my base. I generally buy more than this. I like BBQ ribs in the summer and both yogurt and jerky as a snack. I also keep a supply of Coke and some chips for when friends come over; the occasional family BBQ can also get expensive. The berries usually tempt me, so I almost always buy more than I eat.

But all that is luxury I choose because I can afford it.

Just because you can eat cheap, does not mean you have to; you can always buy better cuts of meat or organic food or extra snacks, or whatever.

But just because you are on a limited budget does not mean you can’t eat healthy (unless it is exceedingly limited). Also, saving money for better things than food is nice.

Eat only what you can afford; but eat well with it.

****

* My salad dressing recipe: 2 parts vinegar, 1 part olive oil, a dash of lemon juice, and a splash of worchestshire sauce. Throw in a pinch of dried mustard and garlic powder, and a tiny bit of salt. Shake well. It’s cheap, easy to make, and tastes good.

An Example not to Follow

The above came courtesy of Roissy’s twitter feed.

I’ve been a bit busy lately, but here’s a short comment on the video.

Obviously the girl’s an adulteress and tries her best to reframe it as his fault, but nothing more needs to be said about that. We’ll focus on the guy.

He’s obviously geeky-looking, desperate, and weak.

He gets up some spine there at the beginning, than at about 1:15, you can hear his balls completely dissolve. What little self-respect he displays disappears when she phones his mother and he almost cries. He later does break down and cry, while wondering how she could possibly say he’s not man enough. Not everybody has self-awareness. He tried to to humiliate his wife and was himself humiliated.

Obviously, don’t be this guy.

He has two main problems that far exceed his generally dorkiness and from which his desperation and weakness flow.

His repeated refrain “I changed my life for you,” “I gave everything for you,” etc. He says this repeatedly, like she should be grateful.

Men need to know that just because you do something for a woman does not mean she will be grateful, it certainly does not mean she will be attracted to you. You could spend a year literally taking care of her while she’s bedridden, nearly dead, in the hospital and she will still have no gratitude and paint you as a creeper.

A woman does not want you to change for her, she does not want you to give up everything for her, whatever she may say. If you do, do not expect gratitude; she will probably despise you for it.

Be a man; stick to your mission. Girls are nice, but they are not the goal.

His second problem is his mental slavery to the approval of the women in his life. You can hear him absolutely shatter emotionally when she calls his mother. Throughout, he remains mostly calm, if very desperate and a bit angry, but you can hear in his voice that the core of his emotional world being sundered when the women phones his mom. At the end, the fact that she called his mom takes precedence over her calling him weak.

Throughout the video, even as he catches her red-handed cheating on him, he still is desperate for her approval. She leaves, he chases after her. Throughout he remains desperate for the approval of this adulteress.

Do not seek the approval of a woman, any woman. It is nice to have your mother, your wife, your girlfriend think highly of you, but that should not be your goal. It will lead to being a snivelling wreck of a “man” like him.

Two lessons: Do not change everything for your woman and do not seek the approval of women.

****

Side note, the fat homosexual makes this video worthwhile all on his own. Hilarious. (Although, he sounds like he might be mentally handicapped, which almost makes me feel guilty).

Omega’s Guide – My Road from Omega

Welcome to part two of the Omega’s Guide to Not Being a Loser, wherein I establish my credentials for taking on such a project.

I want you to know you are not alone, to know I know how you feel, to know that I can help you, to know it is not hopeless, so I am going to tell you where I was at and where I am now, hopefully as an inspirational story, or possibly just so you can laugh.

As a child I was always the one bullied, I got beaten up regularly, and was always one of the most unpopular kids in the class. I had few friends at school, but usually made up for it with friends from church or my neighbourhood. I moved around a lot, so I would always lose my current friends, but I would usually find a friend or two. As a teenager in high school, I moved to a new city. In this new city, I spent a year with no friends; I was unable to make them. I was too afraid to talk to people to make them. I had no social activities outside of church and youth group. I was crushingly lonely during this period.

Eventually, I got myself involved with a small group of friends; there was a group of about five guys I would spend time with. Things were not bad.

Then came college and things became horrible. My group of friends all went different paths, and my friends were all busy. I would see them about once a month. I helped “lead” youth group once a week (by which I mean, I showed up, watched the group while others lead, and talked with the two or three of the more nerdy/introverted youth) and went to church on Sunday. Outside of this, I had no social activities, I had no hobbies. I went to university, went to my part-time job, then came home and played video games, read, and watched TV. I had no friends but that small group I rarely saw; I had other social activities. This was my life for three years.

From about 17 or so, there was a cute blonde girl a few years younger than me who went to my church and youth group. I had the strongest crush on her for four years. I would daydream about her incessently; I thought of her everyday. I wanted nothing more in life than to hold this girl and have her be mine. More accurately, I wanted nothing more than to have the illusionary girl I built her up to be in my head; in those four years, I can count the times I talked with her at all (even a simple hello) on one hand; I had a real conversation with her a grand total of once.  I did not know her well-enough to like her; I was madly “in love” with the idea of what I thought she was.

For four years, I would see this girl in a group once or twice a week, spend most of the time furtively glancing at her, trying not to stare, beat myself up afterwards for my cowardice in not talking to her, then mooning over her the rest of the week. I was pathetic.

To make matters worse, in retrospect, this girl might have have had some interest in me back, and I might have had a chance had I only had the base courage to talk to her. That one real conversation I did have was at a youth event at a corn maze. I followed her and her sister in, walked up beside her, and we started talking for most of the maze. During this time, she dropped a number if hints I was too socially obtuse to understand, hints like “I’m cold” to which I stupidly offered my jacket, which she rejected, and “we should ditch my sister and go off alone together” to which I retardedly answered “that doesn’t seem very nice.” (Yes, really, she honestly said that and I truly answered that).

I was that bad at reading social situations. As another example, there was another girl in my youth group who I was not attracted to. At one event, we talked; she started blathering on about how she broke up with her boyfriend because he wasn’t Christian and she needed to find a good Christian man, while I half-listened and nodded. When she was done, I went inside and did my usual, stand in the group circle and listen without saying anything. She came up beside me and started leaning against me; I thought she must have been tired. We then went for the Bible lesson; she followed me and sat beside me. She then leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder, I thought it was kind of weird, but she must’ve been really tired, so I tolerated it. After the lesson, she asked if we could talk. I said, sure. She then told me she liked me; I was utterly surprised. She did everything short of kiss me or grab my genitals, and I was no even aware of it until she told me. I asked to think about it (I was wondering if I should just for the social practice) and planned to tell her no a few days later. In my shameful cowardice I just avoided her for two months, until I finally screwed up the courage to reject her. (I regret that, it was a jerk move).

Knowing that, you will probably believe me when I tell you I could literally not start a conversation with a woman. I could literally not talk to strangers, acquaintances, or anyone not among my small groups of friends except in the most transactional or superficial ways (“Hi, How are You, I am good?” and answering direct questions with three words answers was the extent of my social prowess), and even these limited conversations were awkward. I had no friends other than that group of 5 I rarely saw; I rarely called my friends up to do something because I was afraid to phone them and “knew” they had better things to do than hang out with me. I had no social activities outside church, where I stood in a corner by myself. I never had a date. I withdrew from my family, spending most of my time in my room by myself. Etc. I was scrawny and out of shape, at only 150 pounds at 6’2″. My life was pretty much video games, TV, and books.

I was pathetic, I was desperately lonely, I was always bored, I hated myself, and I was suicidal. I thought about suicide every day and I seriously considered it about once a month. Twice, I sat on my bed, with my pocket knife to my throat, crying, while I debated whether to push it in or not. I decided not to both times for two reasons: I didn’t want my mom to find my corpse and I was worried the Catholics might be right and suicide would damn me. Those are literally the only reasons I could come up with not to kill myself.

This went on for three years, until I turned 21. Then I decided to turn myself around. I took the Dale Carnegie course (my grandfather paid for it, as both he and my mother were worried about my social life). I started spending more time with my friends. I attended attending a Christian group on campus, where I made a larger circle of friends. I started going to social events regularly; I spent more Fridays doing things than staying home. Over time, I developed a few hobbies. I started talking to girls, I entered a relationship or two.

Now, I have a circle of close friends and few other circles of friends. I am busy most days with social activities or hobbies. I have no problem talking with strangers. I can readily and easily converse with girls. I can and do approach girls on occasion, and get the occasional date. I no longer hate myself, no longer think suicidally, am rarely bored, and while occasionally I get a little lonely, it is nowhere near the level of desperation I once had. I’m now in decent shape, having gained 30 lbs of mostly muscle (and some fat). I’ve improved my life in every way.

****

As you can see, if you are stuck in a rut of friendlessness, hopelessness, desperation, loneliness, and boredom, there is hope. I was there, I know how hopeless it can seem. I know how frightening social interaction is. I now how comfortable a rut, however miserable and painful, can be and how hard it is to escape. I know how you feel, because I was you, and I want to help. I improved my life, you can to.

Introduction to the Omega’s Guide

If you’ve been reading here for a while, you’ve noticed my contributions have generally been theoretical rather than practical. The reason being I am still a beta slowly working on self-improvement (with as much failure as success), rather than the patriarch I plan to be, and am thus not in a position to provide much practical advice on becoming alpha with any authority.

On the other hand, I think there is one area where I can offer some solid advice that is lacking. I have found that most of the advice in the manosphere is geared towards the beta, the average man of moderate social abilities with a circle of friends and the occasional success with woman. Very rarely is advice given that is addressed to the omega, the man with no social abilities, few, if any friends, and no success with women. I have mentioned I used to be an omega, in both the conventional and Voxian sense, who through years of effort, hard-work, and self-improvement became a better version of myself,  so I think I can help fill this gap.

Thus begins part one of the Omega’s Guide to Not Being a Loser (maybe someone can help me think of a better title).

First, some information on what this guide is and is not. This is not a guide for becoming an alpha male admired by all; it is a guide for becoming a socially functional member of society. This guide will not help you score dozens of chicks, but it will help you talk to girls and get the occasional relationship. This guide will not make you a leader of men, but it will help you acquire a circle of friends. This guide will not help you rule the club each weekend, but it will help it so that you have social activities to attend most weekends. This guide is not about changing who you are, but rather making you a better, happier, more fulfilled version of yourself; I am not trying to make an introvert into an extrovert, but even the most introverted need some social interaction.

This guide is for the omega, the loser, the socially maladjusted who wants to better himself and get more out of life.

How to tell if this guide is for you:

  • You spend most of your Friday and Saturday evenings at home playing video games or surfing 4chan rather than spending time with friends.
  • You have few friends, wish you had more, but don’t know how to make some.
  • You have few social activities that aren’t church, work, or school related; ie. places where people are more or less forced to accept you.
  • You spend 30-40 or more hours a week on the internet or video games.
  • You are unable to carry on a decent conversation with strangers, ie; Anything beyond “Hi.” “How are you?” “I’m doing well.” is awkward, if it happens at all.
  • You have unable to carry on a conversation with a girl.
  • You are unable to initiate a conversation with a girl.
  • You have liked a girl for months (years) and have never talked with her beyond the occasional hello or perfunctory, “How are you?”
  • You are miserable and lonely, but have no idea how to fix it.
  • You feel incapable of reading other people’s emotional states and the actions and emotions of other people confuse you.
  • You often bored with life in general.

Do a fair amount of these honestly apply to you? If they do, you are likely an omega and you are who this guide is aimed to.

Now, be honest with yourself. It may suck to acknowledge that you are on the bottom of the social hierarchy, but you can’t improve your life until you realize you have improving to do. You don’t have to tell me, but you do have to tell yourself.

So, this is the first step to no longer being a loser:

Acknowledge to yourself that you need to improve yourself.

It is not normal and not healthy to have no friends, to be lonely, to spend all your free times in your room alone on your electronic devices, and to be unable to talk to girls or strangers.

Don’t split hairs (I browse Reddit, not 4chan and three weeks ago I spent Saturday at Games Workshop). Don’t rationalize (I’m an introvert, I don’t need friends; I’m happy being alone). Don’t feel hopeless (why would anybody want to spend time with me?). You know perfectly well you are lonely and miserable and wish you could be different. So, let me help you help yourself.

****

I have a loose plan for this project, but if you want something specific covered, feel free to ask.

With this series I am going to develop a plan to help Omegas and losers develop themselves into socially capable people with lives they can enjoy. Omegas (and Voxian gammas) are the target audience. If you are not an omega, I still feel free to read along, you might still get something out of it. As well, feel free to comment and provide any information you think may be relevant.

Once I’m done, I might compile the series into a pamphlet or short book if I think there is enough demand for it, and if I do so, I will use suggestions given to improve it.