The Bookshelf: Married Man Sex Life Primer

I finished Athol Kay’s Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011; at the same time I read his How To Answer “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”: and get laid like tile! (hereafter referred to as MMSL and HTA).


MMSL is essentially a book on using game in marriage. Athol lays out the biochemical reactions that underlie love and underscores the concept of sex ranks and how they work in the sexual marketplace and in marriage. He gives out all the good red pill information on how to be alpha and keep your wife happy and sexually charged, but, unlike most game guides, he applies this to creating longer-term relationships and marriage rather than just scoring lays. In doing this he emphasizes the importance of displaying beta traits in maintaining a marriage.

His Male Action Plan (MAP) lays out the steps you need to improve your marriage or to secure the best post-marriage deal should your wife be unwilling to help improve the marriage. He lays out what you need to do to get your wife (and other women) to desire you. He also has advice on how to get your wife to try naughty things with you that you may not know how to introduce otherwise.

MMSL is a softer red pill. If you want to introduce the red pill to someone who you don’t think would be receptive to it or is more traditionally inclined, they would probably be much more likely to accept the information from Athol than say Roosh or Roissy. I would highly recommend this book as a gateway to red pill thinking.

What the MMSL is not is a primer for those looking to pick up women. He will occasionally talk about how his advice applies to pick-ups, but this is generally tangential to his main focus: marriages. So, if you’re looking for a game guide, look elsewhere.

Similarly, if you’re currently looking for a wife, this guide will not really help you find one. It will help prepare you for improving yourself to maximize your value on the sexual marketplace and has some good advice on choosing a wife, for which it is invaluable and highly recommended, but it will not have much information on the finding a women or going through the whole dating/courtship thing.

As for the writing itself, Athol’s style is both straightforward and fun. He doesn’t mince words or sugarcoat things, but is very frank. The book is also filled with levity, while the topics and writing are serious, you will still enjoy yourself and have the occasional laugh. It’s an informative and engaging book.

I will note, conservative religious folks may have some moral problems with this book. Athol does lay out a defence of divorce if a wife does not meet her husband’s sexual needs. He also seems to advocate some mild flirting with women who aren’t you’re wife and the use of porn in marriage, which may not strike some as entirely moral.

On the other hand, Martin Luther, father of the Protestant Reformation himself, made similar arguments concerning divorce. Luther’s advice of when divorce is appropriate: “Then it is time for the man to say: If you are not willing, another woman is; if the wife is not willing, bring on the maid.” is very much echoed by Athol’s advice. So, I wouldn’t judge Athol’s advice on this too harshly.

The big question you’re probably asking though, is does his MAP work? The answer: I don’t have a wife to practice it on, so I really can’t tell you. I can say that a number of people have claimed Athol has saved their marriage, so take that as you will.

For myself, when I do enter a long-term relationship, I will be applying the MAP. I will also be trying to apply what I can of it in my singleness.

If you’re married or looking to be married, I would highly recommend this book. If someone you care about is having marriage/sex problems, buy them this book.


HTA is a collection of posts from Athol’s blog. They’re all great posts, and the writing is and information is good.  All the praise of MMSL just as easily applies to HTA. The problem though, is that a much, if not most, of the information in HTA is in MMSL, so if you have read the MMSL, a good portion of HTA will be rereading what you’ve already read.

Of the two, the MMSL has more information and is better organized, as it is written as a book, in a logical fashion by rather than as a collection of essays written in chronological order.

There is some information in HTA that is not in MMSL, but usually it is not really the important stuff you’re buying these books for. There are a number of essays in HTA talking about his own personal life and relationships that is not in MMSL; these can be used as illustrations for his larger points, and if you’re interested you may want to pick it up.

But overall, the HTA is unnecessary if you have or will be reading the MMSL (which you should be), so I can’t recommend it. On the other hand, there’s something to be said for supporting Athol in his endeavours to help others’ marriages, so you may want to buy it to support the cause.


I would highly recommend buying the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. Although, Athol is currently finishing up his 2012 primer, so you may want to wait a month or two, or however long and get that instead.

As for How To Answer “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”, buy it if you want to support Athol or if you really liked MMSL, but if you buy the MMSL, you won’t miss very much if you don’t get the HTA.


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