Category Archives: Life

The Life of a Beta

Your average beta is born. He grow up surrounded by family. They are good times, but he barely remembers them.

Then something changes; he spends 13 years being psychological castrated, mentally oppressed, (sometimes) physically abused, and viciously indoctrinated in what we term the public school system. He has no option but to go and is too inexperienced to realize what is being done to him. But, he is promised that if he does good , he will get a good job, have lots of money, marry a loving wife, and have kids of his own; he looks forward to that. While in this system he is thoroughly feminized; his natural masculine traits are banned, punished, and even drugged out of him.

He sees the young alpha who beats him up and torments him. He sees that the young alpha has many more friends than him. He sees the pretty girls who ignore him smile at the young alpha and even hears rumours they do more than smile.

But he is taught by this system, his church, his parents, and every authority figure he knows that if he obeys, he persists, works hard, and he suppresses his masculinity he will be rewarded with a job, a wife, a house, and a family. God, the market, and the state will smile upon him and bless him.

The young bully will get his. God, the market, and the state will punish him in time. Someday our young beta will be his bully’s boss. He’ll have the nice house and pretty wife, while the bully is working at McDonald’s.

So, he endures. He allows himself to be psychologically castrated. He’s slightly uneasy about it, it doesn’t feel quite right, but he goes with it because everyone is telling him to and he doesn’t fully realize exactly what he allowing to be done to him. In his spare time, he and his friends play video games to keep their minds off their lack of social life and of the shit they have to put up with at school.

The young beta is almost done school looking forward to his reward, but then the powers that be tell him, not yet. You’ll get your reward, but first you have to go through a 3-6 year sentence at this other indoctrination system, labelled a university. Go through this and you will be blessed. Just remember to pay the tens of thousands of dollars of tuition, but don’t worry about it. There are loans, and with the money you’ll make, they’ll be easy to pay off.

The young beta acquiesces; he’s a good person, not a troublemaker. He wants to help society, not fight it. Besides he desires his blessing.

So he goes. He is taught in this university that he is evil because he is a man and men oppress women. He was taught that he is evil because the ancestors of people with his skin colour won some land in wars from the ancestors of people with different skin colour from his centuries ago. He is taught that being rich is evil, because rich people oppress the poor. He is taught his religious beliefs are evil and oppressive. It doesn’t sound right, but these are men of learning; these are the great and the good; these are the wise men of society. So he is persuaded.

He avoids being dominant and manly around women, for he doesn’t want to oppress them. He becomes to question whether the house and job he was promised are his right. Is it only his greed and his “privilege” to expect these things? He’ll work hard so he deserves them, then he’ll help others with some of it. He starts going to a more liberal, less oppressive church; one that isn’t so judgmental.

So, he works hard. He studies, he has a part-time jobs, and he takes out some student loans. He goes to the occasional party, maybe he has one or two short relationships, maybe he doesn’t. But he’s concentrating on school.

He sees some young alphas at school. They are always at every party,including all the ones he’s not invited to. They act dominant around women and treat the women poorly. They are oppressing women, yet they always seem to have a girl in their arms and every week in class they brag about the great sex and fun times they had over the weekend.

But the authorities assure our beta that those are not quality girls. Those girls don’t really like him, he’s just fooling the gullible into bed. The women don’t actually like the those oppressive men. Eventually those alphas will end up alone.

Real women like the sensitive beta man. He’s just has to wait for the right girl to marry him.

So, he waits, he studies. In his spare time he plays video games, because getting drunk and partying will interfere with his job and his schooling. When he graduates he’ll get a job and get married to a quality women.

He’s 21 and nearing graduation. He applies for jobs, but none come. He graduates, and moves back in with family because he can’t afford an apartment, let alone his house.

He works a part-time job; the alpha who used to bully him works at the same job, but is paid $1 more an hour because he’s been there longer. The bully always seems to have a girlfriend who visits him at work, the beta hasn’t had a date for a year.

He keeps applying for jobs, but never seems to get any. The authorities tell him not to worry; there’s a recession, everybody is having trouble. Keep trying, we’ll bounce back anytime and there will be lots of jobs. Then you’ll get your job and your house. When you have those a wife will surely come.

He spends his free time playing video games. He occasionally has fanciful ideas about starting his own business, but he doesn’t know how. He has no idea how to start. No one ever taught him and everybody had always told him to pursue a stable corporate job.

After a year of applying, he finally gets an office job. It doesn’t relate to what he studied and is not very exciting but at least he’s employed. He hasn’t had a date since he graduated. One of the alphas from university works at the same job as him. The alpha is also having a liaison with the cute coworker on a different floor.

He has a job, so he purchases a house. The house is expensive, it eats up a large portion of his paycheck, but he gets by. He’ll be able to raise a family with this house. In his spare time he plays video games with his friends.

He doesn’t really have anywhere to meet a girl other than work and church you can’t shit where you eat and none of the girls at church are interested. He tries online dating but is mostly unsuccessful.

He continues to work. He dislikes it and the office politics suck, but he’s good at it. There’s a promotion. He applies, but the alpha gets it as he’s better at office politics. A few months later the alpha leaves for a higher-paying position elsewhere, so the beta gets promoted.

He’s still lonely; the promised wife is not to be found. On the other hand, he’s getting used to having no responsibilities. He can play video games whenever he wants. He can spend his money on anything he likes. Pornography and masturbation takes the edge of his loneliness. A lack of responsibility and prolifigacy with money become a norm he’s accustomed to.

Finally, at age 29 he meets a women of 28 at church. she rejected him a few years ago, but after a bad break-up she started to treat him differently.  She’s moderately pretty, but he can tell her looks are declining. He dates her. He likes her, although, she’s somewhat bitter about men. He finds out that she used to hook-up with the alpha’s at university and they didn’t treat her well. she’s looking for a real man. The beta’s happy because he is a real man.

They get married. The beta has trouble adjusting. His wife does not allow him the freedom he got used to while single, but he loves her, so he spends less time with his friends and less time playing video games. He spends more time watching romance movies with her. They decide to have a child, but the wife wants a bigger house first. On both incomes, they can easily afford a bigger house, so they move.

She gets pregnant and says she wants to quit to raise the child until he’s old enough for school. He recently got a promotion to Assistant Vice Manager of Internal Corporate Affairs, so they can afford it, barely, if he works overtime and they cut expenses.

They have the child, but the wife continues to spend as they did before. She also doesn’t lose the weight she put on in pregnancy, so he’s less attracted to her. On the other hand, he put on some weight recently and he’s too busy working even more overtime to pay off credit card debt to have sex all that often, so he doesn’t mind. He loves his wife and child and would do anything for them.

This goes on; his wife never does go back to work when his child reaches school age. She has a lot of time at home alone, but even then the chores never seem to be done.  When his daughter is in first grade, his wife surprises him with divorce papers. She tells him that she felt alone and unappreciated; he wasn’t meeting her emotional needs, all he did was work. She also tells him she’s been cheating on him with one of the alpha’s she used to hook up with in university. That explains why she’d been losing weight recently.

He goes to divorce court. His wife gets the family house, the child, and he has to pay alimony. She also gets the mutual friends from church. He has to work even more overtime to support both his family. He tries to rent an apartment on his own, but after about a couple years he can no longer afford it. Besides, it’s too big for him and he rarely sees his child anymore, anyway. She now calls his ex-wife’s new boyfriend daddy.

He goes looking for a roommate. He finds an advertisement in the paper. He meets up with the guy. They talk, the other guy seems decent. They get along well. He recently broke up with his girlfriend of two years who kicked him out of her house and can’t afford an apartment on his own either. They move in together.

They enjoy themselves. One good thing about the divorce is he has more free time, so he plays a lot of video games together with his new roommate. They split the rent; our beta makes more than his roommate who only has a low-skill manual labour job, but because of alimony they’re actual spending money is similar.

He reconnects with old friends, one from his university days and a few recent divorcees from church, and he makes new friends through his roommate. The pain begins to fade and he begins to get used to singledom once again.

A few months later while unpacking, the beta stumbles across his old yearbook. He flips through it, reminiscing about old times and old schoolmates. His roommate enters notices him reading, and hey, his roommate tells him they went to the same school and points himself out in the book. The beta realizes his roommate is the alpha who used bully him. His roommate remembers and he apologizes. The beta forgives him; they’re good friends now and in the same boat.

****

This was originally going to be a small part of another post, but took on a life of its own. I am writing the rest of the original post to put up tomorrow. It will have (hopefully) have more context then.

Die When You’re Done

Roosh posted Denying Death, arguing that’s it’s better to live for now than suffer now to live a few more miserable years. Danger & Play responded, arguing that being healthy is not for living longer, but for living younger while you live. Captain Capitalism has riffed on the same topic before, arguing not to save for now, but rather to prepare the Smith & Wesson retirement plan.

You should also definitely read this piece on how doctors choose to die.

Almost all medical professionals have seen what we call “futile care” being performed on people. That’s when doctors bring the cutting edge of technology to bear on a grievously ill person near the end of life. The patient will be cut open, perforated with tubes, hooked up to machines, and assaulted with drugs. All of this occurs in the intensive care unit at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars a day. What it buys is misery we would not inflict on a terrorist. I cannot count the number of times fellow physicians have told me, in words that vary only slightly: “Promise me that if you find me like this you’ll kill me.” They mean it. Some medical personnel wear medallions stamped “NO CODE” to tell physicians not to perform CPR on them. I have even seen it as a tattoo.

Now, as for me, family history wise, I should be long-lived and healthy. Both of my grandfathers are in their 80s, mobile, healthy for their age, and more or less independent, despite the fact that one of them smoked most of his life, but even so, eventually I will reach the point where my body will break down.

I find the thought of living hooked to a machine or living as a adult toddler horrifying. When I come to die, I plan to do so in my bed, surrounded by family, or possibly, go alone into the woods to feed the wolves. I do not plan to fight it, bu to embrace it.

****

Now, the arguments of both Roosh and D&P both centered around health. Do you suffer now by denying yourself foods you enjoy, undergoing painful workouts, and starving yourself? Or do you live in the moment, and die when you die.

For this we will go to my favourite book of the Bible for wisdom:

In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:
the righteous perishing in their righteousness,  and the wicked living long in their wickedness.
Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise—why destroy yourself?
Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool—why die before your time?
It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.
Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.
(Ecclesiastes 7:15-18)

Regardless of whether you are a Christian or not, the advice here applies to everything, avoid all extremes.

“Moderation in all things, including moderation.” – Petronius

Be moderate: take care of your health, but only insofar as you need to. Worshiping your health is no better than living a life of gluttony and sloth.

The point is not to deny yourself, not to suffer. Suffering is extreme and unnecessary. The point is not gluttony, that’s just leads to future suffering. Both of those are unnecessary, counter-productive extremes.

The point is to structure your life so you can eat healthy, while not suffering.

That’s why I eat a modified primal diet: the Paleo Fuck You diet, as it were.

****

What?

My base diet is healthy. I generally either don’t eat breakfast, or have a couple eggs. For lunch, a bacon/chicken salad and for supper, some meat. Some fruits for energy when engaged in physical activity and some almonds, berries, and dark chocolate for snacking. I drink water. That’s describes the majority of what I eat.

But, if I’m with friends, I’m going to enjoy myself: pass me another slice and top up my coke. If I really crave a milkshake, I’ll stop by DQ. If I’m in a rush, I’ll pick up something off the value menu. I’m eating ice cream as I’m typing this: I haven’t had ice cream for months, but really craved it on the way home, so I bought some.

I never feel deprived, because I never deprive myself. If I really want something, fuck-it, I’ll eat it.

Yet, I still maintain my diet. I’ve lost 30 lbs (about 15% of my pre-primal weight) since April, while adding some muscle mass. I have more energy and endurance than I’ve had since I was a child. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been.

How?

Read the book Willpower (I mean it, best book I’ve read this year [well, technically tied for best with the Way of Man, read that too]).

Willpower does not matter for dieting. You can not willpower your way to good health or good diet; it doesn’t work. In fact, “dieting” leads directly to weight gain. There are powerful bio-evolutionary forces at work in you that will stop you from “starving” yourself, and there is no way to overcome them.

So what matters?

Habit and environment.

Start good habits and structure your environment to eat right.

I let my natural laziness do the work for me. I shop each week and I only buy enough fresh meat for the next week or two, some eggs, fruit, salad supplies, and a few condiments/spices as needed. I make a giant salad for the week, to split into portions each day for lunch. I do not buy unhealthy food, my fridge is mostly bare except the previous. So the choice is, either eat what’s there, or get to my car, drive to the market/fast-food joint, purchase stuff, and drive home. My laziness wins, so I eat my pork chops happily (with some Bull’s-Eye, because hey, it makes it that much better).

I have some stuff in the cupboard from my pre-primal days and some Coke and what not in my alcohol fridge for when I have friends over. But it takes more time and effort to cook something in my cupboard than to fry up some sausages. I have coke, but if I want one I have to go downstairs to my alcohol fridge and get it, while water is right there: I almost never drink Coke on my own simply because the 20 seconds it takes to go downstairs makes it too much of a hassle. If I want ice cream, I have to go to Safeway or DQ and buy it.

I never feel deprived because I never deprive myself, but I’ve structured life so my natural laziness limits how much unhealthy food I’m eating and the good habits I’m developing naturally take over.

So be moderate. Don’t deprive yourself, but structure your life so that you aren’t tempted. You’ll eat healthy, but never feel deprived.

****

Back to dying. When should you die?

Should you live fast and die young, or should you eke out every tiny bit of life you can?

Neither, either, both. The question is flawed.

The better question is why do you live? What do you live for? What is your purpose, your mission?

You should die when you are done.

You should live until you have accomplished your mission or when your continued existence can no longer serve your mission. You should not allow yourself to die before then and you should not try to prolong your life beyond this point.

You do not deny death, you do not affirm life. You affirm your mission and realize death is simply when you cease to struggle in this mortal world.

Live to struggle for your mission, struggle to live for as long as you are able to advance your mission. Then allow yourself to die. Don’t drag it out, don’t fight it; go to the grave knowing you gave your all for what mattered to you.

That is when you should die, when you can rest peacefully knowing you have done everything you could and there is nothing more to do.

Die when you are done.

****

Roosh, the Captain, and D&P seem to come at this from a hedonistic perspective. They want to enjoy being young; their mission is pleasure. So, it would make sense for them to live fast and young as long as possible, then fellate a gun when they are too decrepit to enjoy themselves.

If you live hedonistically, the Smith & Wesson plan or the early heart attack is the perfect death.

But, hedonism is not something that works for all; it’s just not enough for many.

Most people need a mission; something greater than their own self-pleasure to live their life for.

The S&W plan might not work for them. Living fast would not work for them, but neither would eking ever last painful second out of life work.

What will work for them is dying when they have nothing left to accomplish.

****

Some personal reflection:

These last years, I’ve been looking for a mission. So far unsuccessfully. Because of this, I’ve cared little about whether I remained on this mortal coil or not. The lack of success has lead me to slowly become more nihilistic over time, and hedonism is looking increasingly attractive.

But it doesn’t seem enough.

I want to fight for something, to have a mission. I want to go to breath my last breath knowing that I fought for something greater than me.

Hopefully I can find it, before the S&W plan starts to make more sense than it already does.

****

To conclude, avoid the extremes of health-nuttery or gluttony. Eat moderately.

It’s not about suffering to live as long as possible or dying young. It’s about fighting for as long as you can and dying when there’s no fight left in you.

Die when you are done.

What is to be done?

Aurini writes:

I am a Patriot.  During my life I hope to actually see the True North Strong and Free – not just sing it in the National Anthem.  To find a wife and raise a family, with hope for a future.  Gaming girls in foreign countries is better than marital theft, certainly – and it’s probably a fair bit better than Heroin – but it doesn’t leave much of a Legacy.

Running away will protect us for a time, but the Enemies of Life are implacable; this is a global ideology more infectious than proselytizing Christianity could ever hope to be.  It’ll reach Eastern Europe and Southeast Asia sooner than you think – only by the time it gets there it won’t be called Feminism any more.  Like the common cold, this virus mutates fast.

The MRM fell because it was premised upon weakness.  Any true hope for the future will have to be premised upon Strength.

I agree fully.

But that leaves the questions of what is to be done. How can we destroy the system that is destroying us?

How can we avoid the Bonobo Masturbation Society?

****

The options we have:

1) The Blue Pill: Play along with the system.

2) MRM: Fight the current legal system for equal rights from within the system.

3) Game/MGTOW: These options are essentially the same: retreat. You withdraw from the system.

4) Patriarchy: This is outwardly similar to the blue pill, with all the attendant risks, but is done intentionally with red pill frame and knowledge,  rather than leaped into blindly.

5) Violence: Overthrow the current system with violent revolution.

****

The blue pill may work. For you, for now. But you could always wind up on the wrong end of the divorce or economic statistics with one bad week, and it leaves the system intact. This is no fight at all.

MRM may make the legal system more fair, but that’s all it will do. It will make divorce sting less, it will remove affirmative action to allow fair employment competitions, and it may do some other good things, but it is still based on progressive ideas of equality, fairness, human rights, social justice, and all that jazz and is still corrupt. In the long run it merely preserves the corrupt system, but blunts its edges, reducing consciousness, fixing the system further in place.

Game/MGTOW may work. For you, for now. But it is retreat; it is conceding that the system wins and hoping that if you either avoid or succeed at playing by the new rules of the system it might not eat you. You might avoid family court, unemployment, or unhappy marriage,  but you are still a Bonobo happily masturbating away, enjoying yourself to avoid thinking if there isn’t something more fulfilling out there.

Violence won’t work. Right now the system is not corrupt enough to get enough people fired up for violence. In addition, the anti-progressive movement is small and is like herding bulls. There would be no way to win. Starting violence would turn the decline into a collapse and most revolutions end up eating their own children. Small scale violence accomplishes nothing except making the violent person’s ideology look bad. Violence should be avoided.

That leave patriarchy as the only hope.

****

So how does patriarchy help us win?

We must realize that any fight against the current progressivist system will take time, possibly generations. The war against progressivism is a war of ideology and ideas; changing the dominant paradigm is (usually) a slow process. It took progressivism and feminism over a century to bring our country to this point. It will take just as long to bring it back.

So, that leaves us with two things we must do: push our ideas and develop our ideology and breed the next generation.

First, we need to develop our ideas and put them out there; we must push the overton window. We have to put red pill knowledge out there, make it acceptable, and bring people to the cause. This is already being done; you can occasionally see red pill knowledge creep into the MSM. The manosphere is great for this.

More importantly to pushing our ideas, we have to live lives that are enviable. Ideas are great, but unless people see what’s in it for them, ideas alone will not suffice. We have to demonstrate what we are arguing for.

Live a red pill life that others are envious off and want to emulate. Praxis.

Second, breeding. The future of our society is determined by the next generation, so we need to create the next generation. On one hand, we have an advantage because progressivists are breeding themselves out of existence. On the other hand, if we all go MTGOW or PUA, then we aren’t breeding either.

So, marry a good women, have lots of kids, and raise them traditionally. Your life will be better, your life will be full and meaningful, and you’ll have a legacy you can be proud of.

Make sure to avoid a few pitfalls. Refuse to marry those who aren’t worthy of bearing your children (no rings for sluts). Be wary of the public school system; make sure to raise your kids right. Live as an example you want your kids to emulate.

Creating the next generation and developing our ideas is how an ideological war is won. So, do it.

****

That’s not to say game and MGTOW don’t help some. Both spread red pill ideas. In addition, PUA’s make promiscuity rougher and less fair, thus making promiscuity, already unattractive, less attractive for females. Both reduce the amount of marriageable men who will “man up”, leaving women asking “where did all the men go”, showing the corruption of the “sacred path for marriage”.

While they’re still acting the part of bonobos, they do have some positive impact in the ideological war.

I’m Back

So, I’ve returned from my vacation. I’ve looked through the comments of the posts here, but there’s too many to reply to.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed the first few posts in my Biblical Alpha series. I’ve got a few more posts in the series in the works, but it’s a long-term project; I’m putting it to the side for now as I need some variety on here.

I read a lot on vacation and caught up on a fair amount of my manosphere-related backlog of books , so most of the next week will be book reviews.

That’s housekeeping stuff out of the way. Now, about my vacation…

If this was a travel-blog, I’d brag about the sites I visited, the restaurants I ate at, etc., but you can get that anywhere; I’m pretty sure nothing I did or saw hasn’t been done, photographed, and blogged a million times already.

This is a site dedicated to personal self-improvement, exploring men’s topics, and alt-right politics, so, I’ll write about that instead.

*****

First, some quick, off-hand alt-right observations.

In the relatively ethnically homogenous, northern European countries I went to across the pond, there seemed to be a level of social trust that isn’t always available in Canada.

Prices were ridiculously high and customer service sucked. (The wonders of democratic socialism).

It’s amazing how much history there is in Europe. Everywhere you go, there’s ancient churches, ancient buildings, ruins, ancient this and ancient that. It’s something I miss living in North America, where something a fifty years old is considered historical.

Europeans are a lot riskier with their children. They had child play facilities (it was a family vacation; children were there) there that would never get off the ground here for liability reasons. They still had the old wooden playground equipment that’s been eliminated over here. I think it’s a good thing, I favour the free-range kids approach, but it was odd.

Also, I didn’t notice as many fat people. It might have been just the places I visited, but I noticed that there weren’t near as many fat people over there, as there were here.

Nothing that hasn’t been observed before. So, enough of that, onto personal improvement stuff.

****

One thing I planned to work on while there was approaching woman. I had no plans to game anyone or go for a close or anything, but just open and sustain some conversations with some women  to get over my approach anxiety (baby-steps).

One problem I didn’t count one: I didn’t really notice all that many women in the proper age bracket while I was there. Most of the things I went to were with my family and were either touristy or family-oriented; I saw a lot of jailbait and older women, but not many young women.

But I did have five good opportunities to approach a women of the appropriate age. I’ll be honest, the first two opportunities that presented themselves I blew entirely.

The first was on a train; I ended up sitting beside a very cute brunette (easily a 9 for those of you into numbers) for about an hour. She gave me a few sidelong glances that may (or may not) have been indicators of interest, but I did not talk to her, except some functional stuff when she needed to get by me to get off the train. At the time, I rationalized my cowardice by telling myself she was too young , but in retrospect, that was just an excuse, she could have been anywhere from 16-20, and I had no plans other than to just open a conversation, so there was nothing sleazy to it. In retrospect, that was just me chickening out (but I kinda knew that at the time to).

The next opportunity was at a gift shop in a tourist trap; I was buying a beer mug from a moderately pretty clerk (about a 7). As far as I could tell, she looked amenable to conversation and I intended to strike one up, but when I was making my purchase I fumbled with the credit card machine, got embarrassed, and pussied out.

That was dispiriting, but fear not gentle reader, for I rallied later in the trip. Feeling shame over my cowardice, I decided to do better on my next chance, and I did.

The third opportunity was at a train station. I was trying to decipher the train map with my sister and a somewhat plain lass (mostly about a 6, but with a very ample bosom that nudged her to a 7)  was also reading the sign. I struck up a conversation with her and it ended up we both needed to take the same train. She turned out to be a back-packing Yank, and me, her, and my sister talked for a while and she displayed a number of interest signals. I estimate there was a decent chance I could have set up another meeting at this point if I tried for it. A couple other backpackers came on and joined in the conversation. One of them began to dominate the conversation and I didn’t care enough to wrest it back; I had accomplished what I wanted.

The fourth opportunity was at an amusement park near closing time. My nephew wanted to go on a kiddie ride; I got on with him, and while getting on, the really cute blonde ride operator (an 8.5, but subjective 9.5, as innocent-looking blue-eyed blondes are the definition of my type) asked me a few questions about where I was from. I answered, got on the ride. On the ride, I realized she had been flirting with me (I’m not very good at reading body language). My nephew wanted to ride again (and again, and again) and while getting on talked more with the operator, and, yes, she was indeed flirting with me very heavily. When my nephew was done his multiple rides and my family moved on I stayed behind, and started a good conversation with her. We talked for about 10 or so minutes, she seemed surprised at my age when it came up, then when I asked her if she was in university or anything, she answered high school and told me her grade. Her grade made it sound like she was 15 or 16 to my Canuck knowledge (later I learned her grade would have made her 17, maybe 18). The conversation continued for a few minutes more, but even after the reveal of a decade or so age gap, she still seemed very much into me.

I was at the time, and still am, 95% sure that I could have either gotten her number or a date after the park closing had I simply asked. Somewhat regretfully, I decided not to, though. I was not going to start a long-distance relationship with a high-school girl and am not planning on engaging in casual sex, so there was not any reason to pursue further.

This one was major confidence booster. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a natural omega, and deep-down I still have the internalized omega’s doubts about my attractiveness to females. So, such open and heavy flirting from such a highly attractive stranger was very nice boost and has helped alleviate some of my doubts. A few more interactions like that and I might be rid of them entirely.

The final opportunity was at an airport terminal. I exchanged a few glances with a moderately pretty blonde (about a 7, subjective 8) at the duty-free while paying for my liquor and then saw her in the terminal for the plane I was catching. I sat beside her and started reading, intending to strike up conversation when it looked like I had an opening. Before I could, she asked me when the plane was coming, I told her and we started talking. She seemed interested, as the conversation went along, it turned out she was also in high school. I could most likely still have gotten her e-mail address or phone number after that had I asked, but again, to what end? I let the conversation die a natural death as we got seated. Then waved goodbye to her when I saw her in customs after the flight.

So, maybe not the most interesting interactions and there’s no real game conclusions to be drawn as the conversations I had were fairly mundane with no attempt at game on my part. Any alphas or game-types reading this are probably snickering to themselves about me writing about such go-nowhere interactions, but for me these were big steps.

These were my first cold approaches and the first time I ever opened strangers. So, overall I’m pleased with the results and the positive responses, especially from the one blonde, were shots to my confidence.

*****

One thing from these interactions, especially the last two was whether I’ve attracted female attention before but didn’t notice?

I’ve never been able to read body language all that well and I’ve always assumed I didn’t attract female attention, an ingrained attitude coming from my school years as a skinny, socially ostracized nerd. But the last few years I haven’t looked as nerdy, have not been as socially awkward, and am not the toothpick I was in high school. Lately I’ve been trying to learn to read body language, especially as it relates to inter-sex interactions. Six months or a year ago, I never would have noticed the flirting from the operator or the glances from the other blonde. I haven’t noticed any female attention in my real life, I got more attention in the three weeks of the trip than in the last year at home. Have I been receiving this kind of attention from females for a while and either not noticed it or discounted it? Something to keep an eye out for.

*****

There was also one other interaction of note. I was at the beach with my folks and was just standing around staring at the ocean, when a random guy came up to me and started what turned into a rather awkward conversation. He was either gay or practicing his English, I’m not sure which, but I think the former as he was very obviously (European swimsuits) at “half-mast” for the conversation (or a rather unimpressive “full-mast”), although, he did mention how he enjoyed practicing his English, so the “half-mast” might possibly have just been an unfortunate coincidence.

But either way, the conversation was rather awkward. I’ve wondered whether that uncomfortable awkwardness is what a women feels when some guy tries a lame approach?

*****

Anyway, that’s the end of my self-absorbed, navel-gazing for today. Maybe you found it interesting, maybe you didn’t. I’ll have some real content in the next couple of days.

Fat Acceptance

Fat acceptance seem to be going around the manosphere right now and derisive mockery seems to be the order of the day. It seems to have started with this guy’s (probably satirical) blog on fat game.

I’m going to avoid the derisive mockery, but  instead I’m going to talk about shame and self-hatred.

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First, some theology. Being fat is generally a sign of sinfulness.

Sloth and gluttony, the two primary causes of obesity, are two of the cardinal sins. It is shameful to be fat, because it is shameful to sin.

Derisive mockery is not untoward to someone who advocates the acceptance and normalization of sinfulness.

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Theology aside, obesity is still something to be shamed.

I do not need to go into all the ways obesity is unhealthy for an individual, that’s common knowledge. By allowing yourself to be obese you are quite literally committing slow, likely painful, suicide.

By allowing your body to destroy itself you are showing that you do not love yourself or your life. You are also showing you do not love those who love you and will be devastated by your early death.

If you are married, by being fat you are showing your spouse through deed, if not word, that you do not love them enough to remain attractive enough to have a healthy sex life.

You should be ashamed of being fat.

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Fat acceptance is concerned with ending self-loathing fat people feel for themselves. That is wrong.

Self-loathing and self-disgust is generally a sign that something is wrong in your life. It is your body and subconscious telling you that something needs to change as your current actions, lifestyle,and choices are negatively impacting your body and its ability to reproduce itself.

It is an evolutionary mechanism designed to protect you.

In the case of obesity, the shame and self-disgust you feel is your body telling you that you are killing yourself.

When your body and subconscious  tells you something is wrong, the answer is not to get over it, the answer is not to drug it into submission, the answer is not to accept it, the correct answer is to figure out the reason your body and subconscious are screaming at you and to change yourself so they no longer have to scream.

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Your body evolved in an environment of scarcity. Food was scarce, you rarely gained the calories necessary for optimal health, so your body adapted to urge you to eat as much as possible, particularly of sugars and fats, which provided a large amount of calories.

Modern industrial agriculture has made food abundant; it is no longer scarce but your body still thinks it is, so it demands you eat, and it particularly loves its fats, sugars, and salts.

When you do not eat as much as you can your body screams at you that you are starving yourself; when you exercise, you are depleting your energy reserves and you body screams at you.

This is why it is much easier to gain weight than lose weight. Your old primal self is no made to handle the new modern world. You should not ignore this, but you should know why this pain exists.

The curse of being fat is: Your mind and body scream self-loathing at you for being fat, but your body screams pain at you if you diet and exercise. It is painful either way.

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So why do people participate in fat acceptance, when their own bodies and minds are screaming at them that they are killing themselves, when all the research says they are killing themselves, when obesity negatively impacts yourself and those you care about?

Easy: change is hard.

It is a lot easier to come to accept (and possibly overcome) your self-loathing mentally than it is to overcome the pain of diet and exercise. Self-loathing is vague and amorphous, pain is immediate and direct.

Self-loathing can be reasoned at, self-justified, denied, and overcome by other emotions. There is no reasoning with, denying, or ignoring pain: pain is.

Instead of facing the pain, it is easier to accept the self-loathing.

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Shame is used for societal control. It is used by society to prevent people from following their base urges to self-destruction.

Forgoing shaming obesity, gluttony, and sloth is not loving; it is apathetic. It is people to destroy themselves.

Fat acceptance is not something society should embrace, for the good of fat people.

This is not to say fat people shouldn’t be loved, they should, but their obesity and the behaviours contributing to it should be shamed out of love.

Fat acceptance is telling people it is okay to engage in self-destruction.

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If you are fat, realize it is not healthy. You are hurting yourself and showing you do not love yourself or those around you.

Realize that the pain may be unavoidable, but it is necessary.

Overcoming the pain and making yourself a better person will do much more for you, your self-respect, and your happiness than any amount of fat acceptance.

If you want to improve yourself, I would recommend the primal diet.

I tried the primal diet; while being strict on it I lost 10 lbs in 3 weeks. After that I became less strict, but I’ve still lost about 25 lbs (12% of my body weight) in 3 months. I’ve never been actually fat, maybe skinny-fat, but I did have a gut, it’s quite noticeably shrunk.

The best part, after the initial three weeks it’s required almost no willpower on my part. I rarely feel hungry and I never feel like I’m missing anything; it requires very little discipline. Once you get over the initial hump, it’s easy. It causes minimal pain, while still getting results.

So, do yourself a favour. Try the primal diet.

The Bookshelf: 30 Days of Discipline

Tonight, I was going to read and review Ferdinand’s two essays: The Age of Onanism and How to Stop Masturbating, but Smashwords is not letting me download them and I don’t have a Kindle reader, so I’ll have to do that another time.

On the other hand, I discovered Bold & Determined today (h/t the Captain), and I mostly like what I’ve read. So, I downloaded Victor Pride’s essay/short book 30 Days of Discipline and it just so happens that tomorrow is going to be the start of a new month. So, in my quest for self-improvement, starting tomorrow, I’m going to give his recommended habits a try.

There are 12 habits he recommends (buy the essay if you want to know what they are, I’m not going to steal his income). Of them, I’m going to modify four habits:

  • For #1, I will make an exception for snacking when hanging out with friends.
  • For #2, I’m going to wake up at 6 am, rather than 5 am, which is acceptable under his plan.
  • For #5, I’m going to do 4-point presses rather than push-ups as it meshes better with my martial arts training.
  • For #6, I’m going to dress better (business casual, rather than jeans), but I’m not going full-tilt with a three piece suit, for two reasons: 1) That would look really out of place at my work. and 2) I only own two suits which I need to get refitted. I’m also dressing lazy on Saturday as well as Sunday.

Out of all of them, #4 is going to be the hardest and is what I’m most likely going to fail at. Which is why I wanted to read Ferdinand’s books. (I’ll discuss that issue more when I read and review his books, hopefully, Thursday).

For my specific goal, I am going to start work on a project I’ve been meaning to do. This is a large project requiring learning skills I don’t have, so there’s no way I’m going to be able to finish it in a month, but I want to at least get started on it. I will write more on this project and others at a later time, probably in the next week.

I might do the occasional update on here to keep me honest and after the 30 days, I’ll do an after action report (here’s hoping I don’t wash out).

Now a review of his essay:

It’s short (25 pages), to the point, and written in a clear, straightforward style similar to how Victor writes on his blog. The essay is a list of 12 habits you have to follow for 30 days, followed by a couple pages of clarification of the purpose of the habit and support for why you should adopt the habit.

Some of the habits seem like they’re going to be hard (aw… poor baby) and others are not as physically demanding, but are the kinds of things that would be easy to forget about in the moment. It’s not an easy plan to follow, but if it was, it would be 30 Days of Leisure, not 30 Days of Discipline, so at least the book follows through on the title. I’m pretty sure that anyone who could master these habits would be a better person for them.

So, if you’re interested in improving yourself and looking for a challenge, check the essay out; it’s not that expensive. That being said, I’m not actually starting on this until tomorrow, so I can’t say it will improve you yet.

I’ll put out a second part to the review when I have my AAR.

Knowing Your Mission

I was going to post on something else today, but I just read “What then Should a Man Do” at Bright Darkness, and started to reflect.

The second point of his post is that a man should embrace a quest. My question is, how does one find one’s quest in life?

Growing up, I always did what I supposed to do. Succeeded at school, graduated university, found a job, buy a house. The next steps were to pursue marriage, raise a family, and continue to advance in my career. I would possibly enter politics upon my retirement.

So far, all I’ve accomplished has just been from stumbling through and doing what was expected of me; there was never any sense of purpose or aim to it; I had/have no real mission.

The closest I’ve had was a desire to start a family, but is/was that just doing what was expected of me? Even so, is that in and of itself a purpose? It would seem rather small to devote myself solely to raising a family, with no other meaning to my life.

I entered my career simply because my employer was the first to hire me for a decent job (a big consideration after a year of underemployment and living at home). I have been questioning my career path, as it is unfulfilling. Yet, maybe as I advance and my responsibilities increase, it will become more fulfilling. Or maybe not. Do I want to just be a desk jockey for the rest of my life, just another cog in the bureaucratic machine? (Now I’m talking in cliches, so I’ll wrap this up).

Anyway, one thing I want from this blog is to find a mission, a purpose. (Or possibly that there is no purpose, so I can give up the search to embrace nihilism).

I’ve tried to find a purpose before, but never had much success. I’ve always assumed I would stumble on it as I went through life, but here I am a few years shy of 30, having accomplished nothing noteworthy, spending my days in pointless government busywork, spending my evenings in front of the computer. I desire something more.

So the question: how does one find a purpose?

PS: I know that these first few posts have have had a lot of personal reflection on myself and my life. I’m trying to establish to myself what I hope to accomplish with this blog. In the future, my rate of posting will go down (the only reason I’ve had one major post a day so far is the spare time the long weekend has provided) but there should also be more analysis of issues in the future and less of me narcissisticly muttering to myself about myself.