f you follow Dalrock you’ve seen is recent posts on this little advertisement on Mark Driscoll’s new man-up and marry series:
Dalrock has already pointed out the moral problems with the ad, I’m going to focus the advertisement aspects. Dalrock argues that the ad is aimed at churchian feminist woman, and I agree because otherwise, the proponents of marriage suck at advertising.
Instead of making marriage look like something men would want to pursue and would be willing to sacrifice for, they make it look horrible.
In the little skit in the middle, the man is the thoroughly henpecked, seemingly unhappy husband of a fat, dumpy, controlling wife. He’s so thoroughly beaten down that he’s afraid to have a little masculine bonding time with his son, with the video implying that there’s something wrong with him wanting to do so.
Watching this, my main thought was”is this really how they want to advertise marriage to men?”
I’m lean more towards the more pro-marriage part of the manosphere, but this would drive me away from marriage more than any other possible effect it could have. What kind of man would desire to become that husband?
What young man could possibly watch that and say, “yeah, I want to man-up and marry so I too can be a the ball-less husband of an ugly, dominating shrew who’s afraid to play pool with his son.”
C’mon guys. If you want men to man-up and marry how about making marriage look good? How about making marriage seem like a rewarding experience?
In fact, I’ll give you guys an awesome marketing campaign. A marketing idea this good would generally cost thousands of dollars from a slick New York agency, but I’ll give it to you for free because I love western civilization and we need working marriages to keep the remnant chugging.
Here’s my ad campaign for a man-up series:
It starts with an average-looking man in a suit, someone most guys could identify with, coming home from a day at the office. He looks kind of worn-out and stressed. He parks his car, sighs a bit, then walks up to his house. He opens the door.
The first thing seen when the door opens is his non-offensively pretty wife dressed femininely. She looks up from working in the kitchen and sees he’s stressed, so she comes up to him with a smile on her face and gives him a hug and quick kiss on the lips. She takes his bag and says, “Dinner is almost ready, why don’t you sit down?” He gets into his recliner and leans back, his stress visibly fading away. She joyfully brings him a small plate of freshly made cookies and some milk. He thanks her with an expression of mingled gratitude and relief and takes the cookie. While he snacks she says, “How about later…” and bends over and whispers something in his ear while brushing her hand up his leg. The man responds with a large, expectant smile.
Cut to her calling out that dinner is ready. The man goes to the table to find a delicious home-cooked meal of steak and potatoes, his cute, happy children run up to the table. His wife wipes the dirt smudges off of one of the rascals as they sit down. The man looks on proudly as he sits at the head of the table. His wife sits to his right. She looks at him with an expectant smile, her hand on his arm, and he proudly says grace for the family.
During the prayer fade to black and end with the tagline: Worth being a man for.
Boom. I’d want buy that product. I don’t know a man who wouldn’t.
I’d happily man-up to come home to that; I’d happily work 70 hour weeks to come home to that; I would happily sacrifice quite a bit to come home to that. So, would most men. Most men would willingly sacrifice their left nut for that.
So, some marketing advice to Mr. Driscoll. If you want men to man-up and marry, make marriage seem like something rewarding for men.
McDonald’s doesn’t sell cheeseburgers by having a fat, ugly man eat them in his dingy basement while playing WoW and sobbing to himself. They sell cheeseburgers by showing groups of realistically attractive people having fun together while eating cheeseburgers.
Likewise, you don’t make men desire to man-up and marry by showing marriage as a demasculating process of having your pride, virility, and freedom slowly drained from you by an ugly, domineering shrew. You make men want to get married by showing marriage as a refuge from the cares of the world occupied by a pretty, loving, nurturing woman.
Then again, my campaign might be false advertising for most men. Driscoll might get sued.
The problem is, McDonalds is engaging in wishful thinking at best, a more realistic ad for them would be surly, overweight people eating at the place they default to.
The problem with your ad is the Church should not make it a habit of promoting wishful thinking. These Churchmen should probably go re-read what Paul had to say about marriage.
Women control access to sex for most men, the workplace defaults to doing anything to not offend them, all society does actually, women are wholly responsible for the disaster that is marriage. Although weak men do play their part.
I could only watch the first 5 minutes or so. Bennet? Seriously, the guy with a gambling addiction at one time? I imagine they voted ‘conservative’ over the years and where has that gotten us? I’m still paying the same damn oppressive tax rates and government continues to expand at an unyielding pace. Even though my salary has increased over the years I still feel like I make minimum wage which is just enough for me and not much else.
You forget the kids running to the door when they see his car pull in and tackling him with hugs and kisses. Then he wrestles with them for about 10 minutes on the bed after he changes his clothes. THEN, he gets his break. I have to fight my way in for a kiss.
Believe me, I love your ad idea and think it would be great.
However, they’ll never accept it because it shows the woman being submissive, feminine, and supportive. This defeats the entire point of marriage as they see it.
I noticed in the ad the repeated references to standards and responsibility. True, but what they advocate are achieving standards without rewards and responsiblity without authority, neither of which is particularly inspiring.
Working your ass off to achieve something can be rewarding in and of itself, but when somebody else holds you to some standard and then won’t even say “good job” when you achieve it, it’s not going to bring out the best in you.
And if you’re supposed to bust your balls to support a family but have no authority over what anybody in that family does, you’re being set up for failure. Authority is the means to an end, but it’s also it’s own reward. By stripping males of patriarchial authority, it not only makes them both feel and and actually be, impotent.
Your ad would raise male expectations and portray marriage as something other than being crucified on the cross of communal virtue. It would make men want to marry, but would also make them really want to be MEN.
We can’t have that.
This is actually good news for me. I am counting on folks like Driscoll and Bennett to continue with their tone deaf and blind approach. What passes for marriage (and is sanctioned and promoted by these men) these days needs to be terminated with extreme prejudice, and Driscoll can only help that much-needed destruction with his bungling efforts.
The only way marriage can be saved is for all the the current edifice to be burned right down, flames clearing every last inch of mold and rot. The foundation will still be there, as it has always been, and then it will be finally ready for new construction.
As far as the real Christians in the audience go, it might be a good time to get a law practice specializing in a particular kind of divorce:
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-03-29/jpmorgan-banker-gay-divorce-from-stage-star-sets-u-k-precedent.html
Payback is a mutha.
@ McCoy: The point of advertisement is to make it wish fulfillment, but realistic. What McDonald’s does right is that despite most of the time you go to McD’s because your too busy/lazy to cook, but occasionally there are happy memories. Most people have vague but happy memories of going with their family to McD’s and playing in the ballpit. A lot of adults will have memories of taking their kids there and watching them play or going it for McD’s with friends and having a fun chat.
Same with marriage. My advertisement is wish fulfillment, but it is not unrealistically so. One could reasonably hope that one’s wife would meet one at home with a smile, cookies, and a meal. Not every day, but at least regularly enough.
@ sth: The old guard did not guard well enough.
@ Sis: That could work as well.
@ Martel: One can hope, can one not. There’s got to be at least some Christian leaders who have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
@ Yeah: I wonder what will happen when gays start experiencing the divorce grinder. Maybe the Cathedral will start attempting to create less vicious divorce laws then.
A few key issues on an otherwise great post and an otherwise great poster:
1.) What is the point of having a family that you will have no time and energy to be with?
2.) Why would you need to work 70 hrs a week? Even in this bernankified economy, how much $$ do you need??? Less than you you think.
3.) ‘man as provider, woman as stay at home baby factory’ is not the Biblical model
More on that
4.) I recall, pursuant to 1 and 2 above, some carpenter guy reminding us not to gain the world and lose out souls in the process (by giving all our time to making $$), and that your heart will be where your treasure is (and if you spend all your time making $$, then it would be your treasure).
I post the above pursuant to the following part of your article
I’d happily man-up to come home to that; I’d happily work 70 hour weeks to come home to that; I would happily sacrifice quite a bit to come home to that. So, would most men.
I recall, pursuant to 1 and 2 above, some carpenter guy reminding us not to gain the world and lose out souls in the process (by giving all our time to making $$), and that your heart will be where your treasure is (and if you spend all your time making $$, then it would be your treasure).
At least, that is (in my strictly non-authoritative opinion, of course) a key part of the teaching.
The 70 hours was hyperbole to make a point, as was sacrificing your left nut. There are possible situations where a 70 hour work week may be necessary (emergencies, etc.), but for most people in most situations, 70 hours would be far more work than necessary in pursuit of material comforts.
You are correct; neglecting God, family, and other priorities for work and money would be worldly and disordered.
That ad is about as realistic as the WoW neckbeard having to fight off supermodels trying to break down his door to jump his bones. It doesnt exist, not here in the West at least. Wishing and working for what cannot is the path to madness. Not saying that cant find a “good one” in the West, akin to looking for the hay straw in vast field of used needles, sure its possible to find but not likely and frought with peril. Few months back i thought i found one, good church girl, pushed back my advances, but loved attention. In the end i couldnt compete with the deluge of guys offering offering fun times. At this point the only “sane” option for men of the west is to get their career and money right then move to a less toxic environment. Sure telling a guy “work on this plan for 5-10 years, then can restate in a foreign land” is a tough sell, but these are extraordinary times and call for extraordinary decisions and will to see it through.
I’d take marriage from an advertisement like you described.
I can’t get any YouTube videos to load tonight, but based on your and Dalrock’s descriptions, I wouldn’t take the marriage described in that video. It sounds just like the marriage I’m being divorced out of by my soon to be ex-wife.
Yep, modern Churchian marriage is such a wonderful thing. I’d come home every day to a wife who didn’t give a crap about seeing me come home. Then she’d start in with how I didn’t do enough with the children (especially when I WAS working 70 hour weeks). Then she’d nag and tear me down constantly.
Then I’d go to church and get lectured about how I’m not “loving” my wife enough, I’m not “loving her like Christ LOVED THE CHURCH”.
Then she initiates divorce, and my fellow churchians tell me to watch Fireproof (I led a Fireproof small group when that crap was popular) and run “The Love Dare” on her.
Forget that.