I came across this article by a feminist on the “friend zone” concept. My anti-feminism is readily apparent to any reading my blog, but this time I have to give her credit, she’s right.
The friend zone, for those of you older folks not hip to the jive, refers to:
a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person.”
The vast majority of the time the man is the one being friendzoned. (Although, I did end up friend zoning a female friend once).
Anyway, she posits three reasons why the friendzone concept “sucks”:
1) It ignores the actual wishes of the woman
2) It displays an entitled attitude to a woman’s body
3) It posits that the worst thing ever is to be “just” friends with a woman
4) It’s a go to complaint of guys who are actually deeply misogynistic
I agree with her on all four.
Remember men: you are not entitled to sex.* A women’s body is her own, as your body is yours. You have not claim on hers, she has not claim on yours.
Being a “nice guy” no more entitles you to her vagina than it does to my labour or freedom.
By being friends with a women solely to get in her pants you are disrespecting her and manipulating her. You are using her as a means, not an end. You are not actually her friend, you are an ass. You are not a “nice guy”, you’re an entitled jerk.
I know all the women, movies, TV shows, and authority figures in your life have told you to just be yourself, make friends with her, and you’ll get the girl. That’s bollocks.
If you want a romantic relationship, develop romance first, friendship after (or grow both together). If you want a wife, same thing.
If you simply want to use a woman for sex, than be honest about it. Game the shit out of her, sex her, then dump her the morning after like a proper player. Use a woman who wants to be used. Don’t screw around pretending to be friends with a women and hoping to prey on a moment of weakness, you ass. It’s not only a jerk move and immoral, it’s also a waste of your time.
And yes, you’re damn right I’m shaming you.
Because, here’s the thing, the friend zone is not only disrespectful to the woman, it’s far more disrespectful to yourself.
You are showing how low you think your value is (very low), as you are willing to waste so much of yourself on nothing more but a very low probability chance of romance with a woman.
You are showing how worthless your friendship is, by offering it solely in the hopes of getting sex.
You are emasculating yourself by putting yourself under the power of a woman.
By being friendzoned, you show your time and effort are worthless, as you have so much of it to waste on faking a friendship you don’t actually want.
You are showing how desperate you are as your only hope of romantic success is to spend your life hoping to prey on a moment of weakness.
Remember, you will be treated exactly as you believe you deserve to be treated in life. By allowing yourself to be friend zoned you are showing you deserve to be disrespected and are not worthy of a real romantice relationship.
I’m shaming you. By allowing yourself to be friend zoned you are showing yourself to be worthy of shame.
The friend zone is for losers. Don’t be a loser.
Don’t be this guy.
If you are, you deserve the pain you get.
Have some some self-respect.
So, here is the remedy, here is what you need to get from this post:
If you are currently in the friend zone with a woman, stop spending time with that woman. Cut her off from your life and stop being “friends” with her. Stop thinking about her. Do not spend your time, effort, or resources on her. Do not respond to her requests for your time or effort.
If you ask a girl out, and she says no, cut off contact with her. Don’t go out with her as friends, don’t spend time with her, do not get into long phone calls or text exchanges with her, etc.
If you are in the friend zone or about to be put in the friend zone by any woman, cut her out of your life. Do not be “just friends” (how I hate that phrase).
If she asks why she’s being cut out of your life, tell her the truth. You want to be romantic partners with her and do not desire and will not accept anything else.
Man up and stop disrespecting yourself (and others).
Also, a sidenote:
While writing this I almost (did?) wrote or implied that a romantic relationship is more than a friendship and that being friends is settling for less.
It is not.
No relationship is higher than that of a virtuous friendship, the highest form of relationship you can have. A marriage is also the highest form of relationship you can have.
A marriage and a virtuous friendship are equal in value. They fill different needs in your life but both are equal, neither is better, neither is more.
A romantic relationship that is not a marriage (or becoming a marriage) should always be worth less than a friendship.
If it is not, your priorities are wrong. Fix them.
It is sad commentary on modern society that friendship has somehow become worth less than romance. The general acceptance of the phrase “just friends” is a tragedy.
Do not devalue the value of your friendships by being friendzoned.
None of this is to say you can’t have a friendship with a woman. Some (not many, but some) women are worth having as friends. Some women can be enjoyable, productive friends without drama, BS, emotional games, attention whoring, etc.
You just have to choose carefully and make sure you are not romantically interested in her.
But do not befriend a woman when you do not value the friendship in and of itself. Friendship is an end, it is not a means to a further end.
Despite my ‘romance first, then friends’ declaration above, you can have friends first, then romance, but only in very narrow circumstances. If the friendship is the end in itself and the romantic relationship evolves naturally with no attempt or desire from yourself to try to force it, then there’s no problem.
For those women (and men) who have “friends” that you know are in a friend zone relationship in regards to you, my advice is the same, stop spending time with them.
They are not your friend, they are using you. Even if they are your friend, being in the friend zone hurts, end their suffering.
As I said, I put a women in the friend zone (and knew she was there). At the time I didn’t realize it, but after it all came to a head and the friendship ended because of the friend zone thing, I realized I had been hurting her through the whole time we were friends, simply by being friends. I regret allowing it to get to the point, I should have cut it off earlier.
Learn from my example, do what’s best for both of you, and end that friendship.
If you have a friend-zoned “friend” and do not want to give it up because of the attention you receive, because you get free stuff, because you like the unrecipricated adulation, or some other selfish reason. You are an asshole. Stop it!
Anyone who manipulates a friend-zoned “friend” for selfish benefit is a horrible person.
* Excepting where you are biblically married and/or you and your wife got married on the agreement not to deny each other sex, in which case you are both obligated to provide sex to and entitled to sex from each other.