Welcome to part two of the Omega’s Guide to Not Being a Loser, wherein I establish my credentials for taking on such a project.
I want you to know you are not alone, to know I know how you feel, to know that I can help you, to know it is not hopeless, so I am going to tell you where I was at and where I am now, hopefully as an inspirational story, or possibly just so you can laugh.
As a child I was always the one bullied, I got beaten up regularly, and was always one of the most unpopular kids in the class. I had few friends at school, but usually made up for it with friends from church or my neighbourhood. I moved around a lot, so I would always lose my current friends, but I would usually find a friend or two. As a teenager in high school, I moved to a new city. In this new city, I spent a year with no friends; I was unable to make them. I was too afraid to talk to people to make them. I had no social activities outside of church and youth group. I was crushingly lonely during this period.
Eventually, I got myself involved with a small group of friends; there was a group of about five guys I would spend time with. Things were not bad.
Then came college and things became horrible. My group of friends all went different paths, and my friends were all busy. I would see them about once a month. I helped “lead” youth group once a week (by which I mean, I showed up, watched the group while others lead, and talked with the two or three of the more nerdy/introverted youth) and went to church on Sunday. Outside of this, I had no social activities, I had no hobbies. I went to university, went to my part-time job, then came home and played video games, read, and watched TV. I had no friends but that small group I rarely saw; I had other social activities. This was my life for three years.
From about 17 or so, there was a cute blonde girl a few years younger than me who went to my church and youth group. I had the strongest crush on her for four years. I would daydream about her incessently; I thought of her everyday. I wanted nothing more in life than to hold this girl and have her be mine. More accurately, I wanted nothing more than to have the illusionary girl I built her up to be in my head; in those four years, I can count the times I talked with her at all (even a simple hello) on one hand; I had a real conversation with her a grand total of once. I did not know her well-enough to like her; I was madly “in love” with the idea of what I thought she was.
For four years, I would see this girl in a group once or twice a week, spend most of the time furtively glancing at her, trying not to stare, beat myself up afterwards for my cowardice in not talking to her, then mooning over her the rest of the week. I was pathetic.
To make matters worse, in retrospect, this girl might have have had some interest in me back, and I might have had a chance had I only had the base courage to talk to her. That one real conversation I did have was at a youth event at a corn maze. I followed her and her sister in, walked up beside her, and we started talking for most of the maze. During this time, she dropped a number if hints I was too socially obtuse to understand, hints like “I’m cold” to which I stupidly offered my jacket, which she rejected, and “we should ditch my sister and go off alone together” to which I retardedly answered “that doesn’t seem very nice.” (Yes, really, she honestly said that and I truly answered that).
I was that bad at reading social situations. As another example, there was another girl in my youth group who I was not attracted to. At one event, we talked; she started blathering on about how she broke up with her boyfriend because he wasn’t Christian and she needed to find a good Christian man, while I half-listened and nodded. When she was done, I went inside and did my usual, stand in the group circle and listen without saying anything. She came up beside me and started leaning against me; I thought she must have been tired. We then went for the Bible lesson; she followed me and sat beside me. She then leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder, I thought it was kind of weird, but she must’ve been really tired, so I tolerated it. After the lesson, she asked if we could talk. I said, sure. She then told me she liked me; I was utterly surprised. She did everything short of kiss me or grab my genitals, and I was no even aware of it until she told me. I asked to think about it (I was wondering if I should just for the social practice) and planned to tell her no a few days later. In my shameful cowardice I just avoided her for two months, until I finally screwed up the courage to reject her. (I regret that, it was a jerk move).
Knowing that, you will probably believe me when I tell you I could literally not start a conversation with a woman. I could literally not talk to strangers, acquaintances, or anyone not among my small groups of friends except in the most transactional or superficial ways (“Hi, How are You, I am good?” and answering direct questions with three words answers was the extent of my social prowess), and even these limited conversations were awkward. I had no friends other than that group of 5 I rarely saw; I rarely called my friends up to do something because I was afraid to phone them and “knew” they had better things to do than hang out with me. I had no social activities outside church, where I stood in a corner by myself. I never had a date. I withdrew from my family, spending most of my time in my room by myself. Etc. I was scrawny and out of shape, at only 150 pounds at 6’2″. My life was pretty much video games, TV, and books.
I was pathetic, I was desperately lonely, I was always bored, I hated myself, and I was suicidal. I thought about suicide every day and I seriously considered it about once a month. Twice, I sat on my bed, with my pocket knife to my throat, crying, while I debated whether to push it in or not. I decided not to both times for two reasons: I didn’t want my mom to find my corpse and I was worried the Catholics might be right and suicide would damn me. Those are literally the only reasons I could come up with not to kill myself.
This went on for three years, until I turned 21. Then I decided to turn myself around. I took the Dale Carnegie course (my grandfather paid for it, as both he and my mother were worried about my social life). I started spending more time with my friends. I attended attending a Christian group on campus, where I made a larger circle of friends. I started going to social events regularly; I spent more Fridays doing things than staying home. Over time, I developed a few hobbies. I started talking to girls, I entered a relationship or two.
Now, I have a circle of close friends and few other circles of friends. I am busy most days with social activities or hobbies. I have no problem talking with strangers. I can readily and easily converse with girls. I can and do approach girls on occasion, and get the occasional date. I no longer hate myself, no longer think suicidally, am rarely bored, and while occasionally I get a little lonely, it is nowhere near the level of desperation I once had. I’m now in decent shape, having gained 30 lbs of mostly muscle (and some fat). I’ve improved my life in every way.
****
As you can see, if you are stuck in a rut of friendlessness, hopelessness, desperation, loneliness, and boredom, there is hope. I was there, I know how hopeless it can seem. I know how frightening social interaction is. I now how comfortable a rut, however miserable and painful, can be and how hard it is to escape. I know how you feel, because I was you, and I want to help. I improved my life, you can to.
I am afraid that it is far too late for me. I’m too old and too despised by modern society. My desire for a family is very strong, but I realize that it’s just not going to happen. Even if I was to find a woman who could have children with, society would be constantly trying to tear us apart. I’m not strong enough for that.
I guess these days, I’m just too tired to even blow my brains out.
@Matt
Damn, was that an accurate self-assessment or a desperate cry for help? I should have swapped lives with you about 10 years ago before I gave up everything and did the reverse journey from relatively successful Voxian beta (in appearances, at least) to gamma (I would say omega, but I’m not as bad as Free Northerner was). Fortunately for me, there’s already a “reverse journey” guide out there: it’s called MGTOW.
Free Northerner, thanks for sharing this, takes some sand.
its not a destination its a journey, enjoy it bro… congrts
Inspiring story. I can relate to some stuff here — but definitely not the part about the pocket knife. :)
I’ve been an introvert all of my life and, especially in North American society, being an introvert can sometimes feel like a fate worse than death. If nothing else, you’re trapped living inside your own head, and there’s insufficient positive feedback from the outside world and others to help break you out of that shell. Sure, you have your other introverted friends, but their lack of social skills just reinforces your own retardation.
If you find the right mentor along the way, and are open enough to receive his guidance, you can move away from that. Sounds cliched, but there’s no shame in being an introvert. Success with women is, in my view, secondary and tertiary, especially as you grow older and less horny.
The most important thing is self-knowledge and being comfortable with yourself. Because, after all, you’re the one you wake up to every morning. ;)
Looking forward to further posts. I give you quite a bit of respect for sharing such personal info; its very effective from an authorship perspective.
@ Matt: It is never too late; you might not think you are strong enough, but make yourself strong. If you want something you have to try to take it; you may fail, but at least you know you tried.
@ doji: You don’t have to be quite as bad as me to be an omega, but why have you backslided?
@ adia: Being an introvert can leave you isolated in an individualistic outgoing society like ours, but sometimes it can be used as an excuse to avoid self-improvement; I know I’ve used it as such at times.
It’s weird, the vast differences of perspective across cultures. The stereotypical “introverted omega” assessment could describe much of Japan as a whole.
Their culture is so “inward” and introverted, which is ironic considering how jam-packed they are on that little island. I think I’d rather be a loner in the U.S. than live in the Hikkikomori-laden, dakimakura filled realm that is Japan.
Still, I’m sure your guide will provide some much needed insight and information. I look forward to it.
Good write up. Although I’m no longer a bottom rung ‘omega/gamma’ I still have a long ways to go towards being my most confident, and passionate self. Manosphere guys like you that actually started somewhat from the bottom are way more relatable than guys than the Manosphere bloggers that were already somewhat of naturals before game.
Great post – congratulations on your journey and success.
@FreeNortherner
I backslid/dropped out for all the usual red pill MGTOW reasons but without any particularly traumatic events, like ex trying to murder me or sending me to jail on a false rape or abuse charges (MGTOW forums are full of stuff like that). I just realized I didn’t want kids, relationships, living with anyone, being social, or even talking to people outside work. I get about 200% of my daily recommended dosage of socialization at work; anything beyond was just too much.
I act and look fairly normal, if rather aloof, and stay very busy with other things: career, second masters part-time, learning another language, and working out. I just don’t socialize outside of career networking and have no desire to do so anymore (the grass wasn’t greener on the other side). But the journey upwards was still worth it: at least I don’t feel like I’m missing anything anymore after backsliding!
This sounds eerily familiar. I look forward to reading the rest of your series, as I am embarking on a journey similar to yours.
Well done. You’ve embarked on a quite a journey.
I once heard dating described as “shooting fish in a barrel” from the man’s perspective, but it–and talking to people in general– isn’t always so easy.
I also heard via an Educational Psychcology that experts are made and not born. Talking to people and getting dates are skills that aren’t much different than driving a car or reading Korean, for they all can be learned. If you want to get good at something, do it a lot. It’s as simple as that.
Carry on.
Inspiring! I’ve got a similar story of my own. I’m not sure if I’d consider myself gamma or omega; I was just quiet and the target of bullying. I’m fairly sure I had mild Asperger’s in elementary and middle school; I was a weird kid with few friends. I played a ton of videogames and had little experience with girls. I had my first girlfriend in 8th grade, after FINALLY noticing some super obvious signs from a cute figure skater (leaning on me by the campfire etc. etc.) To cut to the chase, I got into fitness and working out (I’m not exaggerating when I say it saved my life) and it cascaded into improvement across all areas of my life – girls, goals, satisfaction with my life where emptiness had once been.
I count myself among the fortunate who got into the manosphere before their twenties; I’m blessed to have come across such a resource.
I was pathetic, but now I’m on my way to the top. All you need is a shift in attitude and something to strive for. For me, that’s transcending my loser nature and becoming a winner.
>I think I’d rather be a loner in the U.S. than live in the Hikkikomori-laden, dakimakura filled realm that is Japan.
Yes indeed!
Stay away from places where the masculine competition is that weak, and thus, the better your own quality, the better behaved the prettier girls!
You definitely don’t want any of that!
I was pretty much the exact same way. Uncanny description of what I was like. Ten years later, life is awesome.
Keep it at it, be social, engage in social activities, lift hard, work hard, be awesome.
Great start to this series, I’d echo your experiences.
I’m coming to strongly believe that no matter how much of an ugly awkward low status pig a man is, as long as he’s socially/sexually aggressive with every single remotely attractive woman in his path he’ll eventually close at least one girl who is capable of giving him an erection and transcend psycho omegatude. Pretty much all of the people I know who were omegas/losers in child/adolescence has a story of some marginally attractive girl who inexplicably showed interest in him despite his low status and he rebuffs her largely on accident. If he’s just balls to the wall aggro with all of them he’ll be able to tease out these rare ones even without considering the positive impact this aggression is going to have on his attractiveness.
I was only slightly less of a loser than you as a teenager and I remember a girl who was younger than me who was in my organic chemistry class in high school. We had a lab partner in the class, one for the first half of the class then a new one in the second half. One of my close friends was a hyper-alpha natural who had something like 10-15 sexual partners by age 17-18. He was the cutie’s lab partner in the first half of the class. She was neotenous, 15/16(I was 17 and so was alpha-friend), D cups with a slim waist, short (5’1 or 5’2), pretty but very bad teeth and braces. She was a stone cold 8/10 with a closed mouth and a 6/10 when she smiled. He liked this chick a little bit and flirted, she gently rebuffed him and he was over it and on top of a new girl in 2 weeks. 2nd semester she got matched with me as a lab partner. This girl was in love with me for some reason I couldn’t figure out and I just kept finding excuses not to reciprocate. Me? Why? She rejected my much more attractive alpha friend. She’s religious, I’m atheist I can’t date religious girls! Not personally compatible enough with me, she’s not smart enough, I’m not shallow enough to date somebody just from sexual attraction blah blah blah. Instead I got blown out by some high IQ, tall, pretty chick in my AP English class when i asked her to prom when this younger, dumber, shorter chick with bigger boobs’ vagina was melting every time we had class. I can still remember the feeling of the heat radiating from her crotch when we stood in close proximity. And of course all the non-verbal girl cues I was only peripherally aware of back at that age.
Anyway, all the Disney/Romcom/female advice horseshit for sweet nice fellas who care for women and can see past an exterior is just fucking poisonous. The only thing a young man and a young women need to have in common is a desire for his penis in her vagina unless they’re starting a family, which they wouldn’t be if they’re young. The advice I wish I’d gotten on puberty is this:
Be as balls out sexually aggressive with every woman who crosses your path who possesses even a modicum of attractiveness. Don’t fucking worry about her personality/interests/hobbies/worldview/intelligence. That stuff is entirely secondary to HOW YOUR PENIS FEELS ABOUT HER. Go as far as you can without doing anything illegal/outright raping until you get a firm “No” and then stop. If she reciprocates and you change your mind and find yourself pursuing somebody you’re not attracted to and want out, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. Chicks are going to do this to you all the time from 18-24 and you’re allowed to do it too no matter what the romcoms say about how dastardly men who have sex with women and then leave them are. Not only will this flagrant disregard for boundaries actually make you more attractive but you’ll not lose the opportunities that already existed that you were too fucking dumb to pick up on. Women you’re not starting a family with are INTERCHANGEABLE and only become differentiated as they age. Between any given two young women there’s a hell of a lot less difference than any two young men.
Another personal story:
Fast forward 1 year, in college, still no luck with the ladies. I live with a fairly high beta/low alpha football scholarship roommate, but he’s 6’0 300lbs and pretty fat. He’s pretty chill. It’s Halloween, he’s partying a little bit down the hall, I’m in my underwear playing starcraft. He comes back with 2 girls, one who’s about a 4/10 by college girl standards, another a 5.5/10 both in slutty costumes. We chat for a bit, I’m mostly disinterested and playing starcraft, I’m still half naked with my repulsively skinny 5’11 140lb frame. They leave and room mate tells me he’s into 5.5. He makes a move when I’m not around, I find out she rejects him to my shock. I console him a bit, he gets over it fast. Turns out 5.5 is into me, again I’m astounded. She gives me an active proposition for sex one evening when I’m walking down the hall to my room when my room mate is out of town. I say “no” and walk away. 0 logistical problems, completely free, she was even in her best makeup and tight jeans ready to roll. A completely free, effortless, and satisfying sexual opportunity completely passed up. At the time I’m pining for some 8/10 short black haired girl I’ve idealized and pedestalized (and barely talked to) and of course no man can bang a woman he doesn’t feel a deep emotional connection with (of which there can only be one at a given time) and if he does he’s some kind of monster that needs a romcom reform.
A few weeks later I’m in some friends’ room with both 5.5 and her 4 friend from Halloween. Roommate is out of town again. This time 5.5 suggests a threesome in her room with me and her 4/10 friend in front of the whole room of people and again I rebuffed her for some god awful rationalization again in front of like 6 of our mutual male and female friends. She must have been fucking crushed like holy shit she just got blown out by a good lucking but ultra low status single straight dude wtf? I should have at least gone to their room to let her save face. My self efficacy was so low that in the back of my head I had the idea that if she wasn’t attracted to my room mate she couldn’t possibly be attracted to me and this was some elaborate conspiracy/prank/humiliation or something.
Another iron clad rule all young boys need to be taught: Never turn down sex from a woman who can give you a boner who offers it if nobody is cheating in the arrangement. Nobody in history has ever judged a man for taking up a woman on free sex. Yes, even if she’s a real pig and they tease you you’re going to be judged much more harshly for turning her down, esp in a public fashion. You are not a monster for opting out/not pursuing a relationship afterword and women do this to men all the time too and at ages 18-24 there’s a high probability she doesn’t even expect this kind of commitment from you anyway.
All this soulmate/love/programming crap was just so deeply internalized for me I couldn’t even process the idea of mutually beneficial non-monetary hedonic sexual exchange outside the context of romantic emotional connection.
I guess the whole point of this is that there’s a lot of fellas who are just sort of on the precipice of omegatude who could easily break out even without actually becoming more attractive by simply recognizing and capitalizing on opportunities they’re not seeing. Yeah, there’s a few who are absolutely hopeless, but I don’t think those ones represent the majority of omega. Most are “precipice omegas”.
Ok these two posts were too cathartic/long winded. back to anonymous lurking and never commenting.
@ doji: Makes sense.
@ theshido: Good to know you’re moving up young. I wish I’d known of the manosphere a decade ago.
@ anon: Good story. I fid the internalization of low value is probably the hardest part to overcome. Even today, it still sits there waiting to strike at the most inopportune times..
I was an omega until about 16-17 and then fixed it with lifting weights. I almost ashamed to say how simplistic it was. Can’t be that easy? It can. Once I had this newfound self-confidence (roughly “I am not only smart now, I could throw that fscking cabinet out the window like a Hulk!”), and once other boys started respecting me and once girls started flirting with me, my social skills naturally improved.
Not saying the problems went perfectly away, for example, no matter how strong I was, every time I met a man with a very domineering or competitive attitude, my inner coward bullied kid surfaced. If and when there was a competition for impressing a girl, I could not stand up.
But these are extreme situations and in normal situations I could function well enough, and it was basically nothing just muscles and the social and romantic experience afterward. No martial arts, no manly hobbies, no focus on learning social skills, nothing special. All of it was not needed. I could basically just lift, go home and do geeky things, and then go to parties.